July 2005

And this bird you cannot cage…

Rob Zombie’s follow-up to House of 1000 Corpses pulls off that rareist of treats: a sequel infinitely better than it’s predecessor.  Zombie drops the schlock and gore of Corpses, but ends up with a better (and more disturbing) film because of it.  In addition to three simply awesome performances from the leads, The Devil’s Rejects is a note-perfect love letter to the grindhouse cinema of the 70s.  The colors, the angles, the fades, and the music feel so authentic that were it not for the older faces of this film’s nostalgia heavy cast, you’d think you were in 1976.  Ultimately a deeply disturbing film about vengence and it’s consequences, horror fans should sit up and take notice of a film that reminds us that the scariest monsters of all never require CGI effects.  This is a masterpiece of it’s genre.

The Devil’s Rejects
5 Stars

Rob Zombie’s directorial debut was hyped as the film Universal Studios wouldn’t release, which perhaps gave it a bit more credit as a hardcore horror film than the resulting scattershot mess deserved.  Somehow or another Zombie has focused his vision to make a sequel that not only far surpasses it’s predecessor, but might just rank as one of the best, most artistic, and perfectly realized Grindhouse films ever made. 

Perhaps sequel isn’t a fair tag to bestow upon The Devil’s Rejects. Sure, the events portrayed in House of 1000 Corpses took place a few months before Rejects (though the characters looked thoroughly modern), and it’s with the same core of characters, but Reject’s shucks the cartoonish and over-simplified thumbnails of the characters and replaces them with living, breathing souls that you just don’t ever want to come across.  Sid Haig (Capt. Spaulding), Bill Moseley(Otis), and Sheri Moon (Baby) return as the members of the psychotic Firefly family, while Leslie Easterbrook (from the Police Academy movies, no less) takes over the Mama Firefly role from House’s Karen Black.  After an apocalyptic raid on the Firefly house, Otis and Baby attempt to meet up with Captain Spaulding while evading the relentless pursuit of Sheriff Wydell (William Forsythe in a career defining role), a man whose task one of both professional justice and personal revenge.  Along the way the Firefly’s abduct and terrorize a travelling Country & Western band (led by 70’s staple character actor Geoffrey Lewis), meet up with a immoral pimp (Ken Foree of the Romero classic Dawn of the Dead), tangle with bounty hunters (Danny Trejo and Dallas Page), and generally act as nasty and evil as the title suggests.  That is until Sheriff Wydell catches up to them to extract a vengence as terrible as any horror the Firefly family has ever committed. 

It’s run of the mill plot belays the sheer power and effectiveness of Zombie’s ability to perfectly capture his vision on film.  From the shot-perfect 70’s opening credit sequence to the various fades, transitions, and angles, Zombie has managed to do what Hollywood’s other 70’s obsessed filmmaker Quentin Tarentino cannot; make a homage film that refuses to wink to the audience with a ‘ain’t this hip’ perspective.  A soundtrack liberally peppered with the powerhouses of 70’s southern rock only serves to drive home the bastard Texas feel of the whole film, and I found myself in utter shock at how beautiful Rob Zombie made a film about nasty, torturous psychotics.  Horror and Grindhouse afficiandos will appreciate Zombie’s cast, which is chock full of genre and cult stars, as well as the various nods and subtle homages to some of cinema’s best horror moments.  I shan’t spoil them, as they add a level of enjoyment that is all it’s own.

Even more amazing than the look and feel of the film is the narrative feat Zombie pulls of by the tale’s end.  For the majority of the film you’re treated to the horror and destruction that results from the desperate acts of monsters with nothing much left to lose, and you’ll find yourself thoroughly hating the main characters of the film (as you rightly should).  However, once Wydell gets his hands on the Firefly family, his sense of justice has become an obsessive need to punish and obliterate the Firefly’s, making him capable of almost inhuman acts of barbarity and cruelty.  Zombie’s directorial coup is placing this horrible group of people in a situation so hellish that you find yourself almost, almost rooting for three of the most evil beings ever portrayed on screen.  That’s an impressive feat by any standard.

That not-quite-sympathy is helped along by the note-perfect performances by the film’s lead actors.  Forsythe brings a level of malice and intenstity to his performance that makes his previous tough-guy roles look like towel boys at the bath house.  Sid Haig walks the fine line between gleeful profanity and hair trigger evil that makes his character scarier without the trademark clown make-up.  Sheri Moon plays Baby like a psychotic elf just brimming with malevolant intentions, and never before has a director so lovingly showcased his wife’s finer assets with such abandon.  But the real treat here is Bill Moseley as Otis, who walks away with the best dialogue of the film all the while looking like some haggard ex-roadie for Lynyrd Skynyrd.  His soft and almost lilting voice provide a jarring juxtaposition with the intensely horrible things that come out of his mouth, not to mention his unspeakable capacity for violence.

There have been better films that have been released this year, to be sure, but I can’t think of a single film (and that is including Batman, Sith, and all the other nerd fests I’ve been drooling over) that I enjoyed more thoroughly than The Devil’s Rejects.  In all it’s bloodshed and depravity, Rob Zombie’s second directorial effort managed to be an almost freakishly unique film: one in which the director’s vision is perfectly coveyed on the screen unfettered by studio meddling or squeamish marketing.  It’s an unabashedly gleeful terror ride that might just be the first perfect horror film of this decade.

And this bird you cannot cage… Read More »

The Pretty Good Bears

Richard Linklater takes the remake route with The Bad News Bears (a film that has been remade in spirit more than any other.)  Certainly more cuddly and PC than the original, this take is nevertheless saved by a pitch-perfect performance from Billy Bob Thorton, who is fast becoming the king of ‘lovable bastard’ roles.  Linklater resisted the urge to put any kind of twist or kitsch in his version, which faithfully follows the little league careers of a group of ne’er do wells and losers who are cajoled, cat called, and coerced into near greatness by their booze-hound coach (Thorton).  A feel good, if forgettable, film, Bad News Bears is at least good enough to deliver the laughs at a brisk pace, with many a laugh-out-loud moment.  Maybe not the best kids movie in the world, but family’s should enjoy it’s easy (and kinda skeezy) charm.

The Bad News Bears
3 Stars

Since 1976, nearly every kids-themed sports film (and the not so kid-themed Slap Shot) has been a take on cynical and wonderful Bad News Bears.  Let’s see: rag tag group of non-atheletes mentored by a curmudgeonly rascal with a past rise up against the odds with the help of a couple of ringers and sheer gumption.  Sound familiar?  You bet it does.  So when Richard Linklater announced his next mainstream project was a remake of the Bad News Bears, the most obvious question was ‘what’s the point?’.  After all, what ground was there left to cover after The Bad News Bears (1976), The Bad News Bears: Breaking Training (1979), and the Tony Curtis fueled Bad News Bears Go to Japan (1978)?  Well, not much at all, to tell the truth.

ZolarCzakl’s Take:

So director Richard Linklater has done another kids movie and get this, it’s another in a slew of remakes that Hollywood’s been pumping out lately. Fortunately for those of us who actually give a crap about what we watch, this remake of Bad News Bears is actually one of the better ones.
You all know the story (even if you didn’t see the original, trust me, you know the story): a ragtag group of kids that have absoutely zero skill on the baseball field come together under the tutlage of a craggy, drunk coach who at first doesn’t care but later learns the true meaning of something or other while the kids learn to play and most importantly, to love or something like that.
What makes this movie work, though, is the talent of Billy Bob Thornton. He, of course, plays the coach and has a million crass, sarcastic lines which are all actually very funny. Billy Bob has oodles of charisma and plays the ‘gruff guy with a heart of gold’ thing very well. In fact, I can’t really imagine any other actor these days pulling it off with quite the same skill and ease. He really does carry the entire film.
The kids, however, aren’t really all that special. Their lines generally aren’t very funny and their crass insults don’t really stand up to the humor that was written for Billy Bob. I don’t really see any of these kids breaking out and becoming great acting sensations, but I guess one never knows. That really isn’t apparent with any of the kids in this movie. I was also a bit disappointed with Greg Kinnear in this one. His character is the coach on the main opposing team and of course, he plays it as a real tight-ass. That’s really all you can say about it. Nothing great, just tight-ass. Well, maybe that’s all he can really do.

So let’s tick off that checklist: the story is stock, the writing is uneven, the characters sometimes do things that it seems they wouldn’t really do, and the kids aren’t that great. However, the movie was entertaining. Maybe Wedding Crashers blew a circuit in my brain. All I know is that I laughed, I was entertained, and I didn’t leave the theater feeling cheated (this would be the perfect opportunity to put in another slam at Land of the Dead, but… oh! Too late!).
I almost forgot, there was also some racism, sexism, and lots of cursing by little kids in Bad News Bears. And there really isn’t much of a moral. Really, what more could you want for a good, dumb summer movie? Go see it. Why the hell not?

Aaron’s Take:

Linklater proved he’s got a deft touch with mainstream comedies centered around losers (School of Rock and Waking Life. Oh wait, Waking Life wasn’t meant to be a comedy) so on the surface The Bad News Bears seems like a good fit for his talents.  But while we’re treated to profanity after profanity, what remains of this film is actually far, far less cynical or ballsy than the 1976 original.  The original film ended with the Bears losing, but instead of a ‘we learned how to be a team’ lesson the original team attacks the winning team in a free for all brawl. 

Sure, the kids swear a lot and get in fights, but where’s the beer swilling, chain smoking rebellion of Jackie Haley?  This time around Kelly Leak is played by a much more scrubbed and modelesque Jeff Davies, who looks disconcertingly similar to the middle chick from Hanson.  Davies only outcast status comes from his attempt at glowering and the fact that he rides a motorbike.  In this day in age, that’s conformity not rebellion.  Sammi Kraft has the unenviable task of filling Tatum O’Neal’s shoes as ace pitcher Amanda Wurlitzer, but while she doesn’t posess O’Neal’s sheer presence, Kraft does a passable job holding her own against Billy Bob Thorton. 

Speaking of Thorton, I must agree with my co-hort Tim that Thorton is the lynchpin of this film.  His easy take on the never-was coach who gets by on sleazy charm and drunken bravado just lights up the film with each crass and careless line.  As Bad Santa proved, Thorton has a a knack for making you like despicable characters, and Coach Buttermaker is no exception.  Thankfully he’s in nearly every single scene in the film, otherwise it’d be left to the barely sketched out remains of the cast.  Similarly to School of Rock, not much thought is put in to the other characters beyond their gimmick (One’s in a wheelchair!  One’s a spaz! One’s a nerd! One’s fat! One’s a burgeoning sociopath!), so once the film starts focusing on the team itself, the whole endeavor loses a little bit of steam.

But to be honest, I laughed quite a bit during Bad News Bears, both due to Thorton’s perfect delivery and the general tone of the film.  I’ll agree that The Bad News Bears is easily at the top of the list of recent remakes, but to be honest the bar ain’t set that high. 

More satisfying than this Spring’s Kicking & Screaming, and infinitely more entertaining than any entry in the Mighty Ducks franchise, The Bad News Bears should provide you would some good laughs and honest enjoyment even without the acerbic charm of the original.

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The Pick of Destiny

Rock gods (and Satanic disciples) Kyle Gass and Jack Black have long talked about a Tenacious D movie, but now the Liam Lynch helmed epic is officially in pre-production! 

How can we be so sure?  Well, there’s a website for it, that’s how!  And everyone knows anything read on the internet is true!

N/A

Rock gods (and Satanic disciples) Kyle Gass and Jack Black have long talked about a Tenacious D movie, but now the Liam Lynch helmed epic is officially in pre-production! 

How can we be so sure?  Well, there’s a website for it, that’s how!  And everyone knows anything read on the internet is true!

The Pick of Destiny Read More »

About Smurfin’ Time!

The Smurfs finally make it to the big screen… three years from now!

Not Dolly Parton or Brian Dennehy

Thank god for the recent trend in remaking about goddamn everything known to man! Now there are plans to make a Smurf movie in 2008. Why the long delay? It will coincide with the 50th anniversary of the little blue devils, silly!
Even though Nickelodeon Films has reported that it will be a CGI-animated affair, I think it should be live action and star Jim Belushi as Gargamel. Carol Channing should be the cat and Dolly Parton should be Smurfette. It would be a toss up between Brian Dennehy or Wilford Brimley as Papa Smurf. Well, you get the idea. Read the whole article here.

About Smurfin’ Time! Read More »

Hitch

Hitch, even though predictable and somewhat cookie cutter, is funny, sensitive and an easy watch. Will Smith keeps the audience tickled and well entertained in this romantic romp. What else could we expect from the director of Fools Rush In, Ever After, and Sweet Home Alabama, but yet another funny romantic comedy, Andy Tennant’s girlfriend/wife is one lucky lady.

Hitch
3 Stars

Alex ‘Hitch’ Hitchens (Will Smith) plays a hip and suave “Date Doctor”, he helps not so lucky guys get the women of their dreams in only 3-dates. Using little quips of advice, similar to a guy’s version of The Rules book, Alex instructs like a coach getting a player ready for the big game. He instructs his clients to look for the signs when on a date; for example, when she is fidgeting with her keys, that means she wants a goodnight kiss or don’t go all the way for that kiss make her follow up the last 10%. Hitch instructs them in the ways of love and confidence; all a woman needs to fall in love is a man with loads of confidence.

Released on DVD June 14

His latest client, Albert Brennaman (Kevin James), an overweight nerdy accountant with a massive crush on a beautiful client, society heiress Allegra Cole (Amber Valletta), proves to be quite a challenge. The funny thing is, is that Allegra is just as geeky as Albert and they are a perfect match for each other, but Albert needs Hitch to give him the confidence to move forward and approach her. While assisting his biggest challenge, Hitch runs into another challenge, more like an uphill climb, he falls for a gossip columnist, Sara Melas (Eva Mendes)

At first Sara tries to play all-coy not acting too interested and really making Hitch put out a great deal of effort to court her. Finally succumbing to his charms, she agrees to go on a date, Hitch turns out to be a babbling idiot under her powers. He spends more time tripping over himself and stammering, Sara only finds this to be more attractive and powerless under his charms.

Of course there is a hiccup, it’s set up in the romantic comedy formula. Guy meets girl or girl meets guy, one likes the other but the other doesn’t, then after a period of acting like primates they fall in love, after the love comes hardship and then love again. Well in the case of Hitch, Sara runs into a guy that Hitch would not help, but he sets Hitch up for a fall. The guy she runs into has hurt her best friend and totally pushes it off onto Hitch’s advice, she gets even by slandering him in her gossip column. In the process of trying to get even with Hitch, Sara ends up hurting Albert and Allegra’s relationship. Albert is heart broken at first, but realizes he truly has the confidence to fix this one on his own and goes after Allegra and wins her back. Hitch, on the other hand, wallows in self-pity for a while quits his business and sets up to leave town. Right before he hits the door he is hit with a little bit of truth serum and runs out to beg for forgiveness from Sara. Honestly, I feel Sara owes him a big sorry, for all the junk she stirred up, but Hitch does the apologizing and wins Sara back. The End.

 

Hitch is an awesome date movie, good for an evening at home with some candle light, pizza and “the love doctor”. It will make you and your “special” someone laugh and giggle, Hitch is a real treat for a light evening.

Available on UMD Mini For PSP. It’s cool seeing Will Smith really tiny, but Hitch isn’t a film that should be seen in that small of a format. PSP owners might not be the type who goes around watching films like Hitch by themselves and if they do, they don’t admit to it.

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