August 2006

This Week

So what’s out there this week?  Well today we’ll take a look at the films scheduled to be released on Friday.  They include Mark Wahlberg as a dumb jock and Greg Kinnear as Dick Vermeil, the latest from the Broken Lizard gang, kids eating worms, a musical about Prohibition, Camille Belle and Eliza Cuthbert in The Quiet and more; read on…

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Here’s what’s scheduled to hit theaters this week.  Want to know more?  Just click on the title for film info including a full cast list.  Want a closer look?  Just click on the poster to watch the trailer.

Opening Friday:

Invincible

From producers Mark Ciradi and Gordon Gray (The Rookie, Miracle) comes the true story of Dick Vermeil’s (Greg Kinnear, in as close to perfect casting as you will find) first season as head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles.  The story follows a 30 year-old part-time bartender, Vince Papale (Mark Wahlberg), who goes to an open tryout and ends up making the team, and how it effects both his life and the lives of his friends and family.  A little schmaltzy?  Yeah, it is Disney after all, but definitely worth a look.  Elizabeth Banks, Kevin Conway, Michael Kelly, Michael Rispoli also star.  Check back Friday for our review.

Beerfest

The latest from the guys of Broken Lizard follows American brothers (Erick Stohlanske, Paul Soter) who, by accident, discover the secret underground drinking competition in Germany.  They return with three friends and the “Magnificent Five” enter to win the secret Olympics of beer drinking for the good ol’ USA.  Once again Jay Chandrasekhar directs.  Can the Broken Lizard gang find the funny (Super Troopers), or are we in for another disappointment (Club Dread), or utter catastrophe (The Dukes of Hazardone of my worst of 2005)?  Check back Friday for the review to find out.

Idlewild

A musical about Prohibition?  HBO films gives us Big Boi and Andre Benjamin, as the manager and speakeasy performer and his piano player, who must contend with gangsters interested in their club.  Talented supporting cast includes Terrence Howard, Ben Vereen, Ving Rhames, Faizon Love, Cicely Tyson, Paula Patton, Bill Nunn, Jennifer Johnson, Stephanie Moseley, Patti LaBelle, and Macy Gray.  The cast alone should be worth the price of admission, but will audiences take a chance on this one?  The musical was written and directed by music video director Bryan Barber.  Check back on Friday for our review.

How to Eat Fried Worms

Guess what?  Gross out movies aren’t just for teenagers anymore!  The disgusting, but popular, kids book by Thomas Rockwell becomes a film.  The story involves a young fifth-grader (Luke Benward) who takes on a bully by accepting a dare to, well, eat worms (in every disgusting style imaginable).  Hallie Kate Eisenberg, Adam Hicks, Austin Rogers, Alexander Gould, Ryan Malgarini, and Thomas Cavanaugh (Ed, Love Monkey) also star.  Hopefully better than the 1985 animated made for television version.  At least it couldn’t be worse, right?  Popularity of the book should sell tickets, but it’s interesting director Bob Doman chose to go with an unknown cast.

Opening Friday in Limited Release:

The Quiet

After the death of her father, an unpopular deaf high school student (Camilla Belle) moves in with a cheerleader (Elisha Cuthbert) and her parents (Edie Falco, Martin Donovan).  Her arrival leads to a series of discoveries as secrets and lies are exposed.  The latest from Jamie Babbit (But I’m a Cheerleader) also stars Shawn Ashmore, Katy Mixon, and Shannon Woodward.  The film opens Friday in New York and Los Angeles.  An interesting but flawed film much in the same vein as the recently released The Night Listener (seriously, what’s up with Hollywood and incest films lately?).  Make sure you check back Friday for our review.

Queens (Reinas)

Spanish film about five mothers who prepare to marry off their sons at the same ceremony.  The catch?  It’s a mass gay ceremony.  Presented in Spanish with English subtitles.  Directed by Manuel Gomez Pereira (Between Your Legs, Off Key), the film stars Veronica Forque, Carmen Maura, Marisa Paredes, Betiana Blum, Mercedes Sampietro, Unax Ugalde, Hugo Silva, and Gusto Salmeron. The film opens this week in Los Angeles and New York on Friday; look for a slow wider release over the next few months.

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Motherfucking Not Too Bad

How do you make a movie that lives up to the dreams of a horde of on-line film geeks?  How do you deliver a film with more cheese than the state of Wisconsin can hold?  Well, you can’t.  The film that the blogosphere demanded out of Snakes on a Plane is not the movie you get, but it doesn’t matter.  It’s still a movie called “Snakes on a Plane,” a movie where, get this, there are snakes.  Snakes on a plane.  That’s all this film is, and it’s all it needs to be.

Snakes on a Plane
3 & 1/2 Stars

Snakes on a Plane is a very strange disappointment.  In the end, the film is a poorly scripted romp that lasts too long and gives us hollow characters we’re supposed to sympathise with; but the buzz built up for Snakes was so solidified that it doesn’t matter.  Evident from the title, the movie is nothing more than a Cheesefest of the highest criteria. 

Film snobs will watch it and inevitably blast it for being just another crappy action movie pushed through production by the studio in hopes of a flagpole franchise, and had there been no on-line movement to help transform it into the genre film that it became, it may have been.  But the lack of substance doesn’t matter, Snakes is fun, and that’s all it needs to be.

This is the part of the review where I’m supposed to recap the plot, but because the story has been recapped for months on web (and as if any summary is needed with a title like “Snakes on a Plane,” I trust that you guys figured it out by now, and if not then might I apoligize for having to live under that rock without Wi-Fi for the past year.

Having taken care of that, let’s get to what’s important – the snakes.

This is the one area that the film gets right down to every detail.  Usually computer generated, the snakes look great; though not in terms of realism.  They look real enough to not be distracting; but at the same time are an obvious product of a computer.  They’re slick, shiny, and even if they aren’t convincing, they look cool.  It’s fun to watch these digital snakes coil down the aisle as they rear their tails and pounce on the frequent flyers.

Watching them murder people is more fun than should be legal.  They bite arms, faces, and even some parts that you can’t show in a film.  Each spot of 10 seconds will send the audience, ready for some serious snake action, into a simultaneous roar of “Ohh. . .” and “YEAH!!”

But the most hyped assetSnake‘s arsenal – none other than the bad-ass motherfucker himself, Samuel L. Jackson – is somewhat of a letdown.  The massive on-line movement was hoping for an insanely furious Jackson that kicked more snake tail than Pelé kicked soccer balls.  They wanted the histrionic Jackson, an agglomeration of every role he’s every played letting out the pent-up aggresion by opening a keg of whoop-ass on those god-damn reptiles.

Although this attribute of Jackson comes out to shine on occasion, Jackson normally grounds his character to make him more believable.  Sam, this movie is called “Snakes on a Plane,” the title alone gives you the right to go ape-shit.

Instead of making the insane, serial snake killer movie that the Internet demanded, director David R. Ellis and Jackson go for a more typical exploitation horror film, but any move that features Jackson getting all taser on a snake’s ass (or lack thereof) is good in my book.

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Wait Until You Hear About the Mascot

  • Title: Accepted
  • IMDB: link

accepted-posterIf you liked movies like Waiting…, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Risky Business, and Van Wilder, then you should give Accepted a shot.  It’s a little of all of those movies, and others, rolled into one.  But what makes it different is the humorous AND seriousness with which it discusses our educational system – and that it has something to say, unlike most teen comedies these days, rather than just show.

Unable to find a college who will accept him, Bartleby Gaines (Justin Long) decides to create one instead.  With the help of his friends (Jonah Hill, Columbus Short, Maria Thayer) he creates a web page, leases a rundown mental hospital, hires a former educator to be their dean (Lewis Black), and thus creates the South Harmon Institute of Technology.  His parents seem convinced and he and his friends sit down to party all summer long.

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Duff-defying

Save me from teen starlet sisters and their wacky romantic comedies.  While I’m sure young girls (and old perverts) might find something to enjoy in the latest Duff n’ Duff production, I wasn’t amused or angered at what was put in front of me.  All I could muster was an empathic feeling of embarrassment for everyone involved.

Material Girls
1 Star

I usually like nothing better than to rip a film like this to pieces, but this one is so bad that I actually became sorry for all those involved.  Rather than pointing out the films poor acting, writing, production, and directing, I’d just like to offer everyone a great big hug and a shoulder for all involved to cry themselves back to sanity.  Don’t worry; you’ll work again…probably.

The Marchetta sisters, Tanzie (Hilary Duff) and Ava (Haylie Duff), are heirs to a cosmetic fortune held in trust by their father’s best friend (Brent Spiner) after his death.  They’re rich and spoiled, but are good natured, honest, nice and sweet.

Just days before receiving control of their company the girls get an offer to sell out to their competitor, Fabiella (Anjelica Huston).  Shortly afterward news breaks on the troubling side effects of the new cosmetics put out by Marchetta, sending the girls on the run from the paparazzi.

Together with the help of a lawyer (Lukas Haas) and a scientist/valet (Marcus Coloma) the girls find happiness, despite the loss of their millions, and begin investigating the incident in order to recover their wealth and clear their father’s good name.

Where to begin?  The movie feels like a made-for-TV after school special from the eighties.  I didn’t know Brent Spiner and Anjelica Huston were so hard up for roles.  I really hope they get back on their feet and are able to put food on the table with the checks from this film.  I wonder if there’s a celebrity charity hotline I could call and offer them my help?

The film has a loose plot that revolves around the sisters getting into different kinds of trouble (the “humorous” not the dangerous kind), reconnecting with their housekeeper (Maria Conchita Alonso – Where have you been?  It’s been long time since The Running Man).  Nothing remarkable to talk about here; the hijinks of the girls are your usual B-sitcom variety.

This one’s not going on anybody’s resume.  The more I watched the film the sadder I got for the Duff girls.  Really, I wanted to advise them to burn every copy of this film.  More than anything it shows the lack of range of both sisters, who might be at home on a TV screen or in a music video, but are sorely lacking the star power needed to carry a film (at least one that was seemingly written by thirteen year-old girls over lunch one dreary afternoon).  Hopefully the film won’t lose too much money, and they’ll be able to get back their TV commercial jobs selling gum.

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Sunshine Shines Bright

  • Title: Little Miss Sunshine
  • IMDB: link

This is a terrific little film.  It’s sad when movies such as John Tucker Must Die get huge distribution and marketing while truly wonderful smaller films such as this one will struggle to find an audience.  Little Miss Sunshine is worth both your time and money; it’s so good I didn’t want it to end.

Into every life a little rain must fall, into this family…well, wear your galoshes.  Richard (Greg Kinnear) is a self-help guru who is lives his life to “the nine steps,” determined to be a winner and not a loser.  His wife Sheryl (Toni Collette) is trying to keep the family together despite their financial and emotional difficulties.

Son Dwayne (Paul Dano) quietly worships Fredrick Nietche, he’s taken a vow of silence, and spends his time dreaming about a life flying jets.  The grandfather (Alan Arkin) is a heroin addict who’s main philosophy to the younger generation seems to be – sleep with as many women as possible.

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