It’s been awhile since we’ve done this, but in our look back on the year that was 2013 I decided I was going to revive the Semi-Annual Razorblade Awards for the most memorable (and truly awful) films, performances, and moments we were subjected to this past year. The Razorblade recognizes the only thing which could save the moviegoers from the sheer amount of suckage they were forced to witness by letting audiences slit their wrists.
Glitter Award for film
A Good Day to Die Hard
Ed Wood Award for direction
Michael Greenspan for Kill for Me
Sam J. Jones Award for Acting
Jai Courtney for A Good Day to Die Hard
Elizabeth Berkley Award for Acting
Trish Stratus for Bounty Hunters
Louis Gossett Jr. Award (AKA the Aces: Iron Eagle III Award) for previous Oscar winners
Sean Penn for Gangster Squad
Halle Berry Award (AKA the Catwoman Award) for previous Oscar winners
Helen Mirren for Red 2
Pauly Shore Award for humorless comedy
The Internship
Rambo III Award for screenplay
Olympus Has Fallen
Land of the Lost Award for special effects
Gangster Squad
M. Night Shyamalan Award for plot twist
Kill for Me
Wild Wild West Award for movie adapted from television
Star Trek Into Darkness
Congo Award for movie adapted from a book
TIE: Gangster Squad adapted from Paul Lieberman’s book and The Great Gatsby
Blade: Trinity Award for movie adapted from comics
Man of Steel
Mr. Deeds Award for film remake
The Great Gatsby
Superman III Award for sequel
A Good Day to Die Hard
Mandy Moore2 Award (AKA the Because I Said So / License to Wed Award) for two or more entries in one calendar year
Byung-hun Lee for and G.I. JOE: Retaliation and Red 2
Color of Night Award for gratuitous nudity
Rosario Dawson in Trance (not that I’m complaining)
Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle Award for gratuitous butt shots
Parker
The Condemned Award for gratuitous violence
Man of Steel