0 Razors

Yakuza Girl

/ / Home Video
  • Title: Yakuza Girl
  • IMDb: link

Yakuza Girl

Writer/director Louis DeStefano‘s Yakuza Girl is largely unwatchable. Cheap, poorly made, featuring a collection of stilted acting which would make pornstars blush and a plot that never goes anywhere, it’s an impressive feat to fail so completely and on so many levels simultaneously. Shot with apparently little to no set up in a variety of locations ranging from somebody’s house to a parking lot, the rambling story follows an undercover detective (Masashi Ishizuka) from Japan to Los Angeles after taking down a member of the Yakuza. 

…

Yakuza GirlRead More »

Yakuza Girl Read More »

The Devaluation of a Hero

/ / Comics

The Silver Surfer is one of my favorite Marvel characters. Sometimes I lement that he goes long stretches without a monthly comic on his own, but then I take solace in the understanding that not everyone can write a good Silver Surfer story. And when the character is done poorly it’s excruciating to read. Take this comic as an example.

Writer Greg Pak’s “Devolution’ strips Marvel’s most noble hero of his adamantium skin and then shoots him several times in the chest. Honestly, I can’t imagine a worse Silver Surfer story, and I’ve read Ron Marz‘s take on the character. And we’ve got four more issues!

Pak’s writing comes off like someone who has read Silver Surfer stories in the past but didn’t understand them. In essence what he’s done here is given the Surfer the Michael Bay Transformers treatment. (And if you find a way to take that as a positive I hate you.)

…

The Devaluation of a HeroRead More »

The Devaluation of a Hero Read More »

Mother of Tears (Terza madre, La)

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Terza madre, La
  • IMDB: link

Mother of Tears is such a tragedy, a film that is neither good nor well done in the bloody antics. Baby’s being thrown off of bridges and chopped up, really bad gore graphics with hatchets and butcher knives, weird characters that have no consequence and a main character that takes way too long to find out her destiny and hook up with Mr. Right to stop the entire nightmare. In Europe an ancient urn is found and opened releasing the Mother of Tears, top witch bitch of the world. In accordance with that, all witches begin to arrive in Rome for one free-for-all blood fest. Citizens of Rome start doing odd things like killing one another, committing suicide and all types of violence, it’s up to Sarah Mandy (Asia Argento ), a young unknowing white witch/artist, to stop the whole evil lot. She has powers that have been passed down from her mother and she’s freaking out cause these powers are starting to kick in, and so are the voices. She keeps hearing a voice telling her what to do to stay safe; her mom is assisting Sarah from beyond the grave to stop the Mother of Tears from conquering and taking over. At first police detectives don’t believe Sarah after her story of a monkey and three freakish characters that slaughtered her friend, so they spend most of their time hunting for Sarah instead of helping her. Finally, when one is captured and sees the truth, he does all he can to assist to save his own life.

…

Mother of Tears (Terza madre, La)Read More »

Mother of Tears (Terza madre, La) Read More »

Highlander – The Source (of Crap)

/ / Home Video
  • Title: Highlander: The Source
  • IMDb: link

“I am Duncan MacLeod, of the Clan MacLeod.”

Highlander: The Source

Set in the post-apocalyptic near future the film finds Duncan (Adrian Paul) married and separated from his wife (Thekla Reuten).  Methos (Peter Wingfield) and Joe Dawson are both still around as well, and searching for their friend who needs rescuing from the unleashed Guardian of the Source (Cristian Solimeno) who has been awakened by other Immortals seeking the the source of their immortality.

The threesome take a trip to a monastery where an Elder (Patrice Naiambana) “explains” of their need to find the source and stop the Guardian.  The friends, along with Reggie (Stephen Wight) and Duncan’s wife, who is having visions of the Source, take on the quest.Where to begin?  The film is cursed in every way possible including being set in an apocalyptic future that is never explained nor explored.  Obviously it isn’t set too far in the future as Joe Dawson hasn’t aged; so what happened to make things go downhill so quickly?

…

Highlander – The Source (of Crap)Read More »

Highlander – The Source (of Crap) Read More »

This Movie is So Bad…

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Over Her Dead Body
  • IMDB: link

“She was crushed by an angel, and, as sad as I am, I do appreciate the irony.”

Over Her Dead BodyHow bad is it?  The plot involves a psychic (Lake Bell) who lies to win the heart of a widower (Paul Rudd).  And she’s the nice one!

How bad is it?  The story begins with an annoying woman (Eva Longoria Parker) getting killed at her own wedding by a falling ice sculpture.  The funny part?  The ice sculpture might be an angel?  Yeah, didn’t sound funny to me either.

How bad is it?  The plot follows the brain-dead formula of your average romcom with forced craziness, cutesy dating, misunderstanding, and a lame resolution.  All performed with minimal effort and talent.

How bad is it?  Lindsay Sloane stars as Henry’s (Rudd) kleptomaniac pushy little sister whose antics we are supposed to find cute.

How bad is it?  The ghost of the dead woman decides to haunt the psychic to make sure her former fiance lives out eternity alone and hopeless because, wait for it, she loves him so much.

…

This Movie is So Bad…Read More »

This Movie is So Bad… Read More »