Ian T. McFarland

What’s the point of writing a review for Daddy Day Care?  It’s a movie that not even Eddie ‘Norbit’ Murphy would reprise a role in, so I mean, you know it’s not going to be good.  But hey, if you want to validate my writing of this review, feel free to read by clicking below.

Daddy Day Camp
1 Star

Wait, you’re actually reading a review for Daddy Day Care?  As in, you’re reading this piece to help you decide whether or not to go see the new Cuba Gooding Jr. family film?  Well, I mean, props to you for not judging a book by its cover and for being open minded – but seriously dude – it’s Daddy Day Care.  It sucks.

Cuba takes over Eddie Murphy‘s role as a father who runs a day care center, and who in this sequel takes over a day camp in the wilderness where he has many wacky, though very touching adventures with his campers, his son and his military father, whom he has an estranged relationship with.  The story is fairly transparent, with plot developments you can see coming minutes ahead of time and jokes that the kids in the audience will probably see coming.  Actually, I’ll give points to the screenwriters by giving us a somewhat-adult story about fathers, sons and how we worry about the influences we give our offspring; but there’s not enough here to make this side-plot worthwhile – which isn’t totally unlike the rest of this film, which would probably work better as an ABC Family original film.

The biggest problem is that this is a comedy without any actual comedians in it.  At least Murphy can pull laughs out of the most dire of dull movies (cough Shrek the Third cough,) but Cuba is no comedian; and even if he is, he doesn’t appear to try to play this role for the laughs.  The only moment that I really laughed during the film was at the end of the opening credits, when I found out that Fred Savage, whom I hadn’t heard anything about since his late 90s sit-com Working, directed the film.

I could trash this film some more, but I’ll be honest – it’s not terrible.  It’s not good at all, but I can see my nine-year-old self watching this sort of movie on basic cable in the afternoon and enjoying it well enough; and as a grown, snobby film geek, I can say that it managed to keep my attention without ever making me feel like I was totally wasting my time by staying in the theater.

But just because it’s not terrible doesn’t give anyone an excuse for paying to see Daddy Day Camp.  The final product is a just a stale piece of film that has no presence.  Take my advice and skip Camp this summer.

The fact that the movie is from the guys that gave you the SNL Digital Short Lazy Sunday.  Is more than enough reason to see the movie.  But if you need more, feel free to read this review.

Hot Rod
4 Stars

Do yourself a favor: go to the Lonely Island website.  The Lonely Island, the comedy trio who made on-line shorts for years before joining SNL and penning classics like ‘Lazy Sunday’ and ‘Dick in a Box,’ are the prime players behind Hot Rod, and have a fairly distinct brand of man-child humor that might not strike everyone as funny; but fans of the trio will find everything they could possibly hope for out of a Lonely Island film in Hot Rod, and I’m guessing it will carve out a fair few fans for the boys.

Rod is a twenty-something, stuntman-wannabe still living with his loving mother, and his ex-military step-father Frank, (played to perfection by the cock sucker himself, Ian McShane) who’s never quite taken to his step-son.  Rod tries to earn Frank’s respect by fighting him, but Frank always throws him down.  So when Rod, still winless, finds out that his step-father is on his death bed and needs $50,000 for a heart-transplant, Rod sets out on a mission to raise the cash so that Frank can get back in fighting shape and (hopefully) finally have his ass handed to him by Rod when.

What follows is a film that knows how to make you laugh with a style of humor that is unique and off-beat without ever being too off-putting.  It’s probably not ideal for anyone over the age of 40, but as a 19-year-old I can say that this is a fine comedy and one that justifies the price of admission to anyone who isn’t old enough to rent a car.

The writing and direction may at times seem outdated or just plain crappily done, thanks to this film’s cliché-a-minute pace; but these trite moments – like Rod’s calming by summoning the spirit of an eagle – quickly pass from tired and cheesy moments to self-mocking and 80s bashing humor that culture geeks will cherish.  The film is, clear and simple, a product of three dudes who grew up two decades ago, in a period when the only thing bigger than a man’s boldness was his ego.  Rod and his friends are clearly guys who wants to be the hardest bad-ass mamma jammas out there, but its this desire to be the alpha male that makes these losers lose as bad as they do.  It’s the reason that they’re still living at home and living through their imaginations influenced by one too many episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger.  One scene where Rod threatens his step-father, saying that “He won’t be smiling . . . WHEN I MURDER HIM!” might just have the funniest line of the whole film because of the balance of Rod’s macho spirit and his not so macho manner.

The performances are perfect across the board, with all of the players conveying a subtle exaggeration behind every over-delivered line, with the exception of Will Arnett.  I’m tired of seeing this guy play the same stupid asshole that once worked so well (like in Arrested Development,) but is starting to get tiresome (like in Blades of Glory.)

Like I’ve said, the humor isn’t a perfect fit for everyone, but in the end it’s a film that comes out as a complete winner.  Without ever ripping anyone off, it takes a page of inspiration as an off-beat comedy about losers from Napoleon Dynamite, throws in the ego-driven laughs of Will Ferrell & co., and even manages to fit in references to Voltron and Captain Planet.  Is there anything else you could ask for from a comedy?

It’s really amazing.  Take one of the coolest ideas for an event summer tent-pole picture ever, get Steven Spielberg to produce, pull off every visual aspect of the film and throw in some pretty decent actors.  All of this in one movie.  And even though a lot of it rocks your hard, the big picture still doesn’t work.  All because of one man.

Transformers
Custom Rating

I’m young, so maybe I was too idealistic and hopeful about the impending Transformers movie before it came out.  But come on dude, what red-blooded American male isn’t turned on by the prospect of watching alien robots fight each other for two hours, while occasionally changing their visages to match those of some awesome cars?  In the end, I don’t think my dreams for the film could be were totally unfounded – in fact, I’d say that most of the things I was hoping the film would deliver wound up in the final product.  It’s just that, through all of my excitement for my film, I forgot about one inevitable factor; a factor that became the primary catalyst of the movie and changed this film from being maybe one of the best summer films I’ve ever seen into a jumbled mess of an other-wise far-out action movie.  That catalyst’s name is Michael Bay

Here’s the story: there is no story.  I mean, there is some vague hinting towards an overall plot linking all of the scenes together, but to call that a ‘story’ might be a bit of a stretch.  Whatever story there is here, there’s enough of it to tell the audience that there are creatures [henceforth referred to as “Transformers” or “Fucking Awesome Mofos”] that turn into cars that have come to Earth to find “The Cube,” a device that creates worlds.  Some of these Transformers are trying to destroy the cube before some of these evil ones put it to bad use.  Shia LaBouf, Tyrese, Josh Duhamel, John Turturro, Jon Voight and some new actress who is so hot that it almost hurts are all somehow involved by the end.  That’s about all I could discern from the film.

Most of the time when you refer to a film as having almost no story, it’s a pretty damning statement to make.  This is hardly Transformers’ case, as its lack of plot is validated because the movie is too busy kicking you ass to have any time for “plot development.”  The movie is a full-on embodiment of everything a summer sceptical movie should be – from the high-octane excitement that few action films can achieve, to the aforementioned girl who’s so hot that it almost hurts – very few movies are this apt for a Fourth of July weekend release.

Josh Duhamel, trying to understand why anyone would ever hire Michael Bay.

Mostly, the presence of a story is unnecessary because of the nice collection of actors we have here.  Some of them are flat, but a majority (LaBouf, Turturro, Voight, among others) are able to insert enough pep into their often cheesy dialogue to strike just the right chord.  There isn’t a speck of character development throughout the entire film, but the actors are having enough fun on screen that it’s all good for the audience.  The film is also greatly helped by the CGI effects, and they’re some of the best to present themselves on the big-screen to date.  The dirtied by oil, but still full of new-car gleam Transformers are totally boss, hardcore and a half to say the least.  We’ve also got some great photography here, from first-time DP Mitchell Amundsen.  He really knows how to utilise the chrome on the cars, and saturates the whole film in rich colors and bright sunsets.  In some movies it might be too much, but it’s just right for this kind of Blockbuster.

It’s all going great.  Really, just wonderful.  But a few minutes into the movie, you slowly realize that, despite a million strengths, this is still a Michael Bay movie.  Typical of our man Mike, his movies are still edited to be way too fast, with shots rarely lasting any longer than five seconds.  He cuts every shot to tight, never giving the audience or the actors any time to breath and enjoy the ride.  You hardly ever get a chance in the movie’s two and a half hours to appreciate the fun acting or the fantastic effects.  You really feel like you have to put forth an effort to follow the film, something a movie that’s based off of an 80s toy-line should never be.

Fans of Bay’s film-making style might argue that this quickly-paced film just isn’t my kind of film and that his films work for a majority of people; but they would be stupid.  Not just because they’re Michael Bay fans, but because this style of utilitarian, thrifty editing has worked with great ease in movies like The Bourne Supremacy.  Maybe it’s unfair to compare Bay to a great director like Supremacy‘s Paul Greengrass, but the point is that Bay can’t even pull off his own brand of film-making.

Bay, plain and simple, just doesn’t know how to assemble a film.  He may be great for holding together giant films with budgets that have nine digits worth of dollars, but he doesn’t have any business directing.  He would probably make for a fantastic producer, but come on Hollywood, give us a break by giving one to Bay.

I like the on-line ads for Transformers a lot.  Out of the hands of Bay’s explosion of editing and speed, they’re just stand alone close-ups of Megatron and company, with a gorgeous twilighted city behind them.  I actually get to spend a few seconds taking in the production value in these ads, I just wish I had the opportunity to do so during the film it was created for.