Movie Reviews

Ark Building for Dummies

/ / Movie Reviews

I kind of liked Bruce Almighty, and I’m certainly a fan of Steve Carrell, but when I heard the idea of this sequel I wasn’t so keen on the idea.  The set-up of Steve Carrell acting all crazy and building an ark sounds like a great skit, but does it work for 96 minutes?  Well, much like the first film, the answer is – sort of. 

Evan Almighty
3 Stars

“Genesis 6:14: Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch.”  Now I don’t know exactly what that means, but boy doesn’t that sound like the stuff to make an insanely expensive summer blockbuster comedy?  Um…

Evan Help Us

As the film opens Evan Baxter (Steve Carrell) leaves the newsroom and moves his family (Lauren Graham, Johnny Simmons, Graham Phillips, Jimmy Bennett) to Washington to begin his new career as a freshman Congressman.  With a new house and a new job things are looking good for Evan.  Except that God (Morgan Freeman) shows up and commands Evan to make him an ark.  Despite Evan’s steadfast refusal God won’t take no for answer and puts the poor Congressman through hell until he accepts his responsibility, even at the cost of his job, his dignity, and his family.  Evan’s appearance is altered, his hair and beard begin to grow, his clothes disappear, and animals, in pairs, begin to be attracted to his presence.  Finally, with no other recourse, Evan gives in and accepts the responsibility of building the ark.

Overall the performances are good.  Carrell makes a likable leading man, as he proved in The 40 Year-Old Virgin, and spends most of the time getting shit on (more on that later) by God’s odd sense of humor.  As the heart of the film he serves a purpose of giving us someone to both root for and care about.

John Michael Higgins, Jonah Hill, and Wanda Sykes have small and inconseqential roles as Evan’s Congressional staff as their characters are given only enough screen time to make a short one-liners and then disappear for large stretches of time.  John Goodman does what he can with the thinly written baddie politician of the piece.  And Molly Shannon shows up, I’m assuming, just to annoy me.

And I can do without the animal crap-humor!  Jeesh!  I know Hollywood loves crap jokes, but please learn to control yourselves.  There are at least four different such jokes in the film.  Birds defecating on someone is mildly amusing, but it’s hardly hilarious (and it becomes less, not more, amusing each time it happens).  When you get right down to it that’s the central problem with the film.  It will keep your interest and make you chuckle and you’ll have a good time, but there are no big laughs, no real memorable moments, and nothing to discuss with your friends afterwards (certainly no Man-o-Lantern in this one!).

And somebody explain the title to me please.  In the first film Jim Carrey becomes omnipotent, a God, aka almighty, and that’s where the title comes from.  Here God just makes Carrell build a big wooden boat and tortures him when he refuses.  I don’t know about you but that doesn’t sound very “almighty” to me.  Did no one in marketing catch this?  This might seem a small complaint, but it is emblamatic of one of the problems with the film – going for the cheap or easy joke like the crap jokes or the beard jokes, which are just a little too reminiscent of The Santa Clause for me, rather than thinking each problem through and crafting something more original.

One scene the film does have going for it is God’s explanation to Evan’s wife (Graham) of “God’s mysterious ways.”  Rarely, in film or real life, have I heard a better explanation and the scene provides a nice moment for Graham who otherwise is left trying to act confused, sad, bewildered and angry (all at the same time) about what is happening to her husband.  There are few such moments in the film that make it worth seeing, but if the entire film had been handled with the same care this might have been a truly miraculous film rather than just a flood of crap-jokes and one-liners.

For what amounts to the most expensive comedy ever made ($175,000,000) the film is a slight disappointment.  There are many laughs with some good bits throughout, and a couple of touching moments, but much like Bruce Almighty the film fails to inspire the big laughs that seem to be just around the corner.  Still, it’s an enjoyable little summer comedy that should entertain you, at least for awhile.

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‘Heart’ Keeps the Beat, Loses Emotion

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A Mighty Heart’s problem is that it’s a superbly felt and acted film that’s put together so oddly that you can’t appreciate it.  The whole cast deserves an A for Effort, but in the end the film just too out of touch with its own story to work as well as it ought to.

A Mighty Heart
2 & 1/2 Stars

There’s a strange subtlety to A Mighty Heart.  WIth constant and quick cutting, the film is always moving through the story, rarely taking a minute to let the details sink in.  The problem this sort of film is asking to run into is, when a movie rarely has a shot last longer than five seconds, can the emotional core find its way out of the story and into the audience?  A Mighty Heart honestly tries to solve this dilemma, but it often fails.

Based off of real events, the film is about journalist Daniel Pearl as he is kidnapped while reporting in Pakistan in the immediate months following 9/11.  Once this happens ten minutes into the running time, the film blasts into a full-on investigation of his disappearance, never really stopping to take a breath or give much time to examining the characters.

Lucky for the film, it’s filled to the brim with strong actors who know how to appear to carry the burden of missing a loved one, and the desperation that inevitably follows.  One really shouldn’t overlook anyone in the film – this is a terrific ensemble that deserves recognition; but if you have to name one actor in particular, it’s probably going to be Angelina Jolie, who plays Danny’s wife and the lead of the film.  Her empty gaze that is used in most of her parts says everything that words can’t about the character’s fear for her husband.  as the film goes on, her scenes become more and more painful to watch as she begins to realize what has happened to her husband.

But the editing is too much and too fast to let us take a minute with the characters.  We never learn the characteristics of anyone here, we just have actors who know how to relate tragedy.  We can see them suffering, but we never get to know them or sympathize with them.  As it is, it’s just a movie about people being sad, without any real purpose or explanation.  There’s a solid hour in the middle of the film where it feels like nothing happens besides tiny advancements of plot that could have been cut out of the film, just parading on one after another – why couldn’t we have replaced it with a nice time-out at the beginning to see what life was like for the Pearls before the kidnapping?

I can go so far as to say – and believe me, a lot of people would say this is going too far – but I can say that if you were looking for a better non-fiction movie about the horror and stupidity of kidnapping, you wouldn’t have to go very far back, just to January of this year, to find the film, and the film is Alpha Dog.  It doesn’t carry a fraction of the buzz that A Mighty Heart has; but by letting us just hang out with the characters, we sympathize with them and ultimately, actually care about the outcome of the film.

A film as political as this could easily have a secondary message, but there’s nothing under the surface here, and there’s not much above it either.  The right people are involved for the most part, it just needs a few more scenes to let us understand who these people are and a pace that’s less about finding the accurate time-line of the real-life events and more about finding the emotions of the real-life events.

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Day Watch

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I never saw Night Watch or read the Russian novels which on which the story is based.  If I had perhaps the plot line and the characters of the universe might have made more sense to me.  But then again, considering how little (not counting the early exposition narration) is explained in this film, maybe not.  As an action film with subtitles (that will be popular I know) it won’t blow you away, but it might be worth a couple hours of your time as a mild diversion from the hot summer sun.

Day Watch (Dnevnoy dozor)
3 Stars

Day Watch picks up a year after the events of Night Watch.  We are given a rushed narration to explain the events of the first film and the rather incomplete outline of this world.  There are two opposing forces, armies of Light and Dark, who are known as the Others.  Centuries ago they battled until an uneasy truce was made.  Now these psychics, shape-shifters, and vampires live in a world trying to keep the necessary balance intact, though one man has decided it is time for war.

Anton (Konstantin Khabensky) and his new trainee Svetlana (Mariya Poroshina) , who is destined to be the Great Other for the side of Light, encounter a Dark Other killing a human in public.
Tracking him down Anton discovers it is his son Yegor (Dima Martynov) and prevents Svetlana from killing him.  Anton then tries to hide the evidence of his son’s involvement which only puts himself in danger as the Dark Others accuse Anton of murder and the world tips on the edge of war.

The film contains large armies that don’t really do much.  The vampires don’t eat people, there are no werewolves, and the shape-shifting we see is mostly disappointing.  Also parts of the film aren’t well explained.  What is “the gloom” and how does one enter and exit from it?  Who are these judges to decide the fate of Anton?  The Light Others can prove Anton did not kill the girl, but they refuse, why?  And though the idea of the mysterious Chalk of Fate is intriguing, its existence is never properly dealt with.

In terms of an action film the movie has many stunts and special effects which come off quite well.  The fact that it shot in Russia also adds something to the Gothic feel of the film.  But the film is laughingly bad at trying to capture the seductive and erotic tones of vampire films.  The audience was rolling their eyes and guffawing during these “intimate” moments.

As a horror film or a suspense film Day Watch fails on many levels.  As an average summer popcorn action flick, with better than average acting, the film is a modest success.  I don’t think anyone will be wowed by the action scenes or the special effects, though they are professionally done, or come away blown away from the experience.  What Day Watch proves is that other countries can create convoluted big budget action films, that when you get right down to it don’t make a lot of sense, just as well as Hollywood can.

There’s a look and feel to the film which I enjoyed.  And except for the moments of unintentional laughter the tone holds up well.  If the world had been a little better fleshed-out and described to the audience it would have helped immensely.  Still, with the issues I have with the film I am recommending it, though I would suggest renting the first film before trying to figure this one out.  Although isn’t as good as I hoped, it does do a much better job with it’s material than similar recent American vampire films such as the forgettable Van Helsing and the supremely awful Underworld Evolution (read that review).

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Does Not Disturb

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What’s the point of seeing a scary movie that isn’t scary?  In this case, there isn’t much of one at all.

1408
2 Stars

It’s too bad.  It really is.  Because 1408 has a great first act.  With a good 25 minutes of film dedicated solely to John Cusack being a pompous blowhard of a Writer (and really, isn’t that what we all are?), you settle into the character and know that, if anything bad happens to this character, you’re going to feel for him.

Except then the bad stuff starts happening, and, well. . .

Cusack plays a failed (and often drinking) novelist who writes about haunted houses to pay the rent, but all the while feels violently over-qualified for the gig.  It’s all going miserably until he checks into the Dolphin Hotel and becomes more miserable by experiencing his first actual haunting.  So this is when it gets good, when the room is torturing Cusack and the audience with all sorts of cute thrills that have you squeezing the armrest, right?  Wrong.

Once we’re in the namesake-numbered room, it feels like the movie is just wandering around the suite, trying to find an idea for a way to scare you; but most of the time it just comes up short.  There are a few bright spots (like a failed escape from the room) but this PG-13 never gets your blood running.  It’s just a tame thriller, and one that ends post-maturely and nonsensically at that.

The only force that keeps you in the film is Cusack.  The guy is like a 160 pounds bag of frosted lovableness, impossible to not want to see on the screen.  So it’s fun to watch a likable guy play a depressed asshole with a love for wisecracks, even while he’s experiencing his own personal Hell.  Samuel L. Jackson contributes to the film when he’s trying desperately to dissuade Cusack from going into the infamous room, but his only scene lasts ten minutes.  Oh well, at least he gets to say “fuck.”

Besides Cusack performance, there’s not much in the movie worth watching.  And if you’re just wanting a good Cusack movie, you’d be better off just renting High Fidelity again.

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DOA: Dead or Alive

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  • Title: DOA: Dead or Alive
  • IMDb: link

This movie’s got disaster written all over it.  The acting is average, the plot is ridiculous, and the dialogue will have you laughing and groaning.  But it does have beautiful, and scantily clad, young actresses, some nice sets and attractive scenery, and some pretty good stunts and wire work.  Fans of B-movies, and adolescent teens, might find a film that that can laugh-at and enjoy yourself while doing so.  Is it a good film?  Not really.  Is it a good time?  For the right audience, yes it is.

We’ve seen martial arts tournament flicks many times before.  Hell, Jean-Claude Van Damme made a career off them.  DOA isn’t a great film, in fact in many ways it’s quiet laughable and absurd, but it is an enjoyable experience that knows exactly what it and doesn’t try to be anything more.

…

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