Movie Reviews

I’m sure there are people that are going to love this film; I’m not one of them.  Even the strong pefromances from the two leads can’t quite save The Constant Gardener from being both boring and predictable – two words you don’t want to describe a dramatic thriller.

The Constant Gardener
2 Stars

Some novels can be adapted to screen successfully and some cannot.  The Constant Gardener belongs in the second category.  The structure for the movie might work in a novel but here the story just gets bogged down.  The film is oddly spliced together with flashbacks in an attempt to try and make the obvious seem murky and mysterious.  Too bad the end result just makes it look lame.  It’s sad such great leading performances were wasted on such a bad script.

The film begins with the discovery of the body of Tessa Quayle (Rachel Weisz) who has been brutally murdered in the Kenyan countryside.  From there the film moves through flashbacks of Tessa’s life mixed with her husband Justin’s (Ralph Fiennes) attempt to discover why she was killed and what became of her companion Arnold (Hubert Kounde) who has disappeared.  Unwilling to accept the official explanation of Tessa’s death being a result of an affair between Tessa and Arnold who must have killed her in a passionate rage, Justin decides to conduct his own investigation and learns that Tessa’s death wasn’t caused by anything so simple.

Let’s start out with the perfromances which are outstanding.  Fiennes is well chosen for the bitter and remorseful character who will stop at nothing to discover the truth.  Weisz who we only see in flashbacks though is the real heart of the film.  Her character is the only one from the film that is complex and three dimensional and whose feelings and actions have consequences not just to herself but to her husband and the world around her.

Aside from the acting the films problems are numerous.  First off the flashbacks reveal too much of Tessa’s character for the audience not to realize what she really died for and the cause itself can be easily deduced very early in the film.  Second the scenes involving the meeting of the two seem to suggest a relationship of convience which would hardly justify Justin’s odyssey later in the film.  Third the scenes of Tessa’s possible infedelities don’t work because the relationship with Justin isn’t developed far enough and the film is too cavalier in giving away more information than is necessary.  And finally the choice in editing makes the film too helter skielter.  It was obviously chosen to try and hide the extremely simple answer to the “mystery” of Tessa’s death, but not only does it not succeed in covering the truth it only detaches the viewer from the film.

The movie was adapted from the novel by John le Carre and I don’t doubt that the story might make a very good novel where such information and clues can be spaced out over chapters.  In a compacted theatrical version the mystery just doesn’t work.  If Justin knew anything about his wife he would be easily able to deduce what happened to her, but the film tries to make Justin totally oblivious to who his wife was and what she was up to.  The result becomes a series of flashbacks between the two where we learn everything about Tessa while Justin stands there totally oblivous.  If he’s really that dense, how’s he suppossed to solve her murder?

The film just doesn’t work as a thriller because the structure continually takes the viewer out of the story.  The film doesn’t work as a mystery because the reasons for the death can easily be deduced just by learning a fraction of who Tessa was.  The drama doesn’t work because neither the love story nor Tessa’s murder seem enough to push the action of the film that develops into a weak Bourne Identity as Justin becomes an expert on covert tatics, surveillance, and digging for the truth (none of which are needed for this very simple plot).  The film tries every trick it can using red herrings, odd editing, and plot contivances to hide what is essentially rather obvious.

I feel so dirty for laughing at such a perverse and morally wrong joke. There has been and will be nothing that will ever top this completely disgusting nasty 86-minute laugh off. This film tests every ounce of moral standing you may have in you. The Aristocrats pushes the envelope of dirty gross out humor and makes you want more more more, it is one filthy joke that never ends

The Aristocrats
4 Stars

I feel so dirty for laughing at such a perverse and morally wrong joke. There has been and will be nothing that will ever top this completely disgusting nasty 86-minute laugh off. This film tests every ounce of moral standing you may have in you. The Aristocrats pushes the envelope of dirty gross out humor and makes you want more more more, it is one filthy joke that never ends.

The Aristocrats documents an inside joke that has been passed down from comedian to comedian through out history, like a treasured secret. It starts the same way, “A man walks into a talent agent’s office with his family and says, have I got an act for you and the agent replies, so what do you do?” From that point on it is complete improvisation, usually soaked in shit, pee, incest, vomit, blood and any other possibly horrid thing you could imagine. Each comedian spoon-feeds his or her version of the joke and with each ending it gets funnier and funnier.

The finale, the end of the joke is the agent asking, “So what’s the name of your act?” and the comedian says, “The Aristocrats”. This film is not for the week of heart and if you have a timid demeanor then stay far away, but if you know how to take a joke, GO SEE IT, GO SEE IT NOW!

Be sure to pay close attention to a few outstanding performances by Bob Saget, Gilbert Gottfried, and Sarah Silverman.

Director Terry Gilliam (Time Bandits, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, & The Fisher King) has lost his touch after 7 years. Fans will be amused, but a bit disappointed. Given, The Brothers Grimm, is quite eye catching and has some since of humor accompanied with some very very dark moments. When I say dark moments I mean, a little fluffy kitten in a meat grinder and the skinning of a rabbit in detail, all done with a twisted amount of humor of course. But Terry doesn’t give enough, maybe it has to do with being frustrated with corporate meddling and not having the freedom to really express himself.

The Brothers Grimm
1 & 1/2 Stars

Director Terry Gilliam (Time Bandits, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas, & The Fisher King) has lost his touch after 7 years. Fans will be amused, but a bit disappointed. Given, The Brothers Grimm, is quite eye catching and has some since of humor accompanied with some very very dark moments. When I say dark moments I mean, a little fluffy kitten in a meat grinder and the skinning of a rabbit in detail, all done with a twisted amount of humor of course. But Terry doesn’t give enough, maybe it has to do with being frustrated with corporate meddling and not having the freedom to really express himself.

Set in early 18th century French occupied Germany, The Brothers Grimm follows the tale of 2 hoaxer brothers who go from town to town peddling their ghostbusting talents. Will Grimm (Matt Damon) and Jake Grimm (Heath Ledger) find themselves busted red handed by General Delatombe (Jonathan Pryce) and forced to solve a town’s missing children problem. The General believes that 2 conmen like the brothers are wreaking havoc on the tiny village of Marbaden and threatens Will and Jake’s life to bring this hoax to a stop. Accompanied by the General’s second in command, crazy Cavaldi (Peter Stormare) and enlisting the help of a very beautiful local peasant girl, Angelika (Lena Headey), they head into the enchanted forest. Not finding any pulleys or springboards, the brothers start to question how this is a con and start to believe that the forest has been cursed. Running for safety only to be forced back into the evil place by General Delatombe and his guards to find Little Red Riding Hood and Gretal, plus ten other girls who had been kidnapped, all used to remove the curse of the evil Mirror Queen (Monica Bellucci).

As the story takes shape, Jake spends his time jotting down notes and parts of the story always kept in check by his lady killer brother Will. Will is consistently reminding Jake that their is no such thing as magic beans and to keep his feet on the ground and his head out of the clouds. Jake has the opportunity at the end to prove to his overbearing unbelieving brother that fairy tales can end happily ever after and all it takes is one kiss from true love.

The Brothers Grimm has a set that compares closely to Tim Burton’s Sleepy Hollow, but has some very poor CGI moments. Luckily the film’s saving grace are the 2 main characters, except for their inability to keep up with their accents, Matt & Heath play off each other brilliantly. It’s sad to say that Terry Gilliam has grown a little soft over the years; I would have loved to see a little Monty Python flair. Overall it’s a fun watch and if you go in with low expectations or none at all The Brothers Grimm will work for you too.

Four Brothers has energy, action, gunfights, street thugs, stunts, revenge and a very charismatic cast of four who get along like they may actually be blood brothers. Why the feelings of mild disappointment, the film needed just a little more girth behind it. Director John Singleton (“Boyz N the Hood) did his job, he pulled off all the gritty tension and street smarts that the audience could ever expect to see, but Four Brothers needed something else. It’s the storyline, too simpleton, not enough intrigue and true capacity for why their adopted mother, Evelyn Mercer (Fionnula Flanagon), was set up for an execution. It wasn’t convincing enough, that this sweet old woman who everybody in the neighborhood adored, would be shot over a little ego. This took accreditation away from Victor Sweet (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a pretend to be on the edge hot shot thug, that turned out to be nothing more than an ego crazed looser. However, if you are out to see some true grit old western style Detroit action, then Four Brothers is the film to see.

Four Brothers
2 & 1/2 Stars

Four Brothers has energy, action, gunfights, street thugs, stunts, revenge and a very charismatic cast of four who get along like they may actually be blood brothers. Why the feelings of mild disappointment, the film needed just a little more girth behind it. Director John Singleton (“Boyz N the Hood) did his job, he pulled off all the gritty tension and street smarts that the audience could ever expect to see, but Four Brothers needed something else. It’s the storyline, too simpleton, not enough intrigue and true capacity for why their adopted mother, Evelyn Mercer (Fionnula Flanagon), was set up for an execution. It wasn’t convincing enough, that this sweet old woman who everybody in the neighborhood adored, would be shot over a little ego. This took accreditation away from Victor Sweet (Chiwetel Ejiofor), a pretend to be on the edge hot shot thug, that turned out to be nothing more than an ego crazed looser. However, if you are out to see some true grit old western style Detroit action, then Four Brothers is the film to see.

After the death of their adopted mother, the Mercer brothers go out to seek revenge and save the memory of the tough old bird. She took in Bobby (Mark Wahlberg), Angel (Tyrese Gibson), Jeremiah (Andre Benjamin) and Jack (Garrett Hedlund) after nobody else would adopt the rough and rowdy bunch. If it weren’t for Evelyn’s ability to crack the whip and straighten out four thugs, they would have ended up dead or in jail. The commentary between her and the four boys was awesome; she would slap them in the face with words about how they ate at the table, comparing tattoos and strong hand respect for others and themselves. After her funeral, hothead Bobby took the lead to find out why their mother had been shot. Off to investigate what Detroit police officers Lt Green (Terrence Howard) and Detective Fowler (Josh Charles) wasn’t able to put together with a map and their fingers on the spot, Bobby, Angel, and Jack started by watching the grocer’s video of the incident. Noticing that the thug had money in hand and the robbery was an obvious cover up, they headed after the source of it all. Knowing the streets and getting away with gang like executions, the boys never suffered any kind of consequences for their actions besides a few slaps from a short interrogation and the loss of one of their posse.

An issue of trust came about when they found out the family man of the group, Jeremiah, may have been at fault for her death. He wouldn’t deal with Victor Sweet on starting up a business, so Victor, with a city official in his pocket, had Jeremiah shut down. To keep his family safe, he had to take out his mother’s life insurance to pay the thug off and this is where Angel caught him red handed. Finding it to be all a misunderstanding, the boys join efforts for one last show down out on a lake of ice. Let’s just say that Victor ends up swimming with the fishes, and all who were involved got their just do.

Four Brothers is an action packed adventure with old time stunts not counting on CGI and a cast that rocks. What sums this film up best is the car chase, a tense ride through a blizzard that blinds and sparks flying from the rims of the car, the boys get the guys in the end and walk away to start a new life by rebuilding mom’s house.

Do you have an obsession with how pigeons were used during World War II?  Yeah, me neither.  Valiant is a fine little film for senior citizens who like animated features with talking birds; unless that’s you you’d probably do better with a Disney straight to video release.

Valiant
2 Stars

As the credits rolled I wondered, not for the first time, who exactly this film was made for.  It seems odd to think that Disney designed an animated feature specifically with senior citizens in mind, seeing how catering to such a small niche market doesn’t exactly mesh with the conglomerate that bought ABC and opened Euro-Disney.  This would be a good film for grandparents who lived during WWII to take their grandchildren to and talk about afterwards; sadly the rest of us will end up feeling more than a little bored.

A War Movie For Kids?  Disney Style???

The year is 1944 and pigeons are being used to relay vital messages from the Allied Command to the forces deployed in the field.  The Axis Powers have deployed hawks to capture the pigeons led by Von Talon (Tim Curry).  Valiant (Ewan McGregor) is a young undersized pigeon who feels the need to serve his country and enlists.  His platoon contains the “John Canyesque” Bugsy (Rick Gervais), the nerdy Lofty (Pip Torrens), and the musclebrain twins Tailfeather (Dan Roberts) and Toughwood (Brian Lonsdale).  Our heroes are trained and sent of with the heroic Gutsy (Hugh Laurie) on their first mission to deliver messages vital to the war effort.

The scenes of the training are much what you’d expect from a Disney version of movies like Stripes.  Not much new or of any interest; pigeon and hawk alike are stockpile characters stolen from other flicks.  The hawks themselves are fine, but they aren’t given the menace of previous Disney villains.  Instead they are used more for comic relief, especially Talon’s two helpers (Michael Schlingmann and Rik Mayall), which makes taking them seriously as a threat is almost impossible.  Even when Valiant and his comrades are put into what should be dangerous situations we never really feel they are in any serious danger.  It’s bad when you end up rooting for the Nazis, but we simply don’t care whether these characters live or die and I will admit after an hour of this tedious story I was gleefully hoping for a hawk to make himself a pigeon sandwich.

The movie starts out promising with a British pigeon black and white propaganda film and the capture of Mercury (John Cleese).  Cleese has some of the films best lines as a P.O.W. captured and interrogated by the hawks.  Too bad his part is so small; his wit could have been used in other scenes.  The story keeps you vaguely interested as it seems to promise better things to come.  We are shown several moments where we expect the film to takeoff and fly, but this bird never really gets off the ground.

It seems odd that this was released in theaters; it has the feel of recent Disney straight to video releases.  The movie just never reaches the level you would expect from a Disney film.  While I applaud the studio for making a different type of animated feature, the result is less than what one would have hoped for.  Most younger children aren’t going to get the gist of the film without detailed explanation, adolescents will avoid it like the plague, and most adults under sixty will be bored out of their minds.  Sadly, it was made about four decades too late to have any cultural interest other than in Britain, where I expect it will find some modest success.  Although not terrible, I can’t think such a mediocre movie was what such a great cast was assembled to produce.  Too bad a group of actors like this was wasted on this turkey.