Movie Reviews

Fantastic Flop

  • Title: Fantastic Four
  • IMDB: link

Sometimes you go to movies with low expectations and are pleasantly surprised because the movie is better than you expected.  This is not that film.  I walked out of Fantastic Four with a strange sense of bewilderment that no one tried to stop this train wreck from being shown.  Didn’t anyone on set see how bad this was?  Did no one at the studio level watch dailies, or by watching them did they see their careers end and decided they’d rather jump off the top of Fox headquarters than bring this up with the brass? 

I would have thought someone at Marvel or 20th Century Fox would have had the good sense to burn every last reel of this turkey.  Even if you had to burn the entire building to the ground, it would still be a better solution than unleashing this thing on an unsuspecting public.  It is almost impossible to describe how bad this film is, but I have a mission to make sure as few people’s lives are ruined as possible by witnessing this atrocity firsthand, so I will do my best.

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Water A’int Scary

Great horror movies keep an audience on the edge of their seat, engaged, wondering what could possibly happen next.  Good horror movies keep you interested through bizarre plot twists, gruesome death scenes, and lots of blood.  This movie made me want to pee.

Dark Water
1 & 1/2 Stars

Great horror movies keep an audience on the edge of their seat, engaged, wondering what could possibly happen next.  Good horror movies keep you interested through bizarre plot twists, gruesome death scenes, and lots of blood.  This movie made me want to pee.  Dark Water is the latest Japanese horror movie to be remade by Hollywood.  I have never seen the original Honogurai mizu no soko kara, but I will assume it was better than this.  It’s really quite a shame considering how much this movie had going for it that the end result is a tangled ball of missed opportunities.

In the midst of a messy divorce and custody battle, Dahlia (Jennifer Connelly) moves with her daughter Ceci (Ariel Gade) to a rather strange apartment building owned by Mr. Murray (John C. Reilly).  The building appears relatively old and rundown, and the caretaker of the place Veek (Pete Postlethwaite) tries to keep everything working while blaming any accidents on a pair of kids who live on the tenth floor.  There’s also a strange stain in the corner of the bedroom ceiling that seems to fascinate Ceci.  Immediately after moving in odd occurences start to happen.  The numbered buttons for the elevator are burnt off and the elevator that often has a small wet spot in the corner likes to move to the top floor all on its own.  Dahlia’s ceiling begins to leak, Ceci begins to be talking to an imaginary friend with the same name as the girl who once lived in the upstairs apartment and makes her do bad things.  Dahlia ‘s life quickly begins to fray as she can’t get anyone to take care of the leak in the apartment, which is caused by all the faucets in the room above hers being turned on, her husband is suing her and citing examples of her unfitness as a parent, and Ceci starting to have episodes at school.

Sounds kinda’ interesting,right?  Well, it’s sad because it really could have been.  All the elements are here for a very tight intriguing psychological drama, but the movie decides early on that it would prefer to be your standard run of the mill Hollywood ghost story.  Very early we see Ceci talking to our ghost and we hear the ghost talking back.  This really takes the wind out of the sails as they keep playing the “is she crazy” storyline even though they have already told us there is a ghost.  The problem is the psychological parts work far better than the ghost scenes.  If you are going to do a ghost movie in the horror realm, which this movie claims to do, then you have to have a scary ghost.  A little girl who starts water leaks around the building isn’t too scary to me.  Nothing that happens justifies the effect it has on Dahlia so they had to write in a back story halfway through the film about her being abused and abandoned by her parents.  I guess this is supposed to explain why all these inconveniences scare her when they wouldn’t scare a four year-old child, but I’m sorry I couldn’t buy it.  Water just isn’t scary.  The big special effects sequences are far from impressive.  We get water running down floors, water dripping, water shooting through pipes, water shooting out of sinks and toilets, and water running down walls.  I’ve seen effects on Sesame Street that are scarier, and more impressive.  An odd note, most of the water is a very dark color almost like blood which is a nice touch, but is wasted because no one in the movie, even though it is everywhere, seems to notice or comment.

So they abandon the suspense angle early on, the horror angle never pans out, is there anything that works in this movie?  Well yes, it does have some nice performances.  Reilly is very good as the apartment owner/slum lord who resembles more of a used car salesman.  There are good performances by the Ariel Gade as the child and Tim Roth, who has a very interesting turn as Dahlia’s lawyer who works out of his SUV.  Connelly is very good in the opening quarter of the movie, but her performance becomes strictly one note as the odd occurences begin, which isn’t helped by the script calling for her to self medicate herself continuously through the end of the movie.  Postlethwaite’s character never really is defined.  He’s either the mean and creepy old guy who lives in the basement, or he’s a nice guy who fixes problems for the tenants, depending on the scene.  Dougray Scott is fine as the ex-husband, though he’s a little too nice and concerned for us to understand Dahlia’s anger at him.  Camyrn Manheim has a nice role as Ceci’s teacher, but there’s really not much for her to do in the movie other then tell Dahlia something might be wrong with her daughter.  The apartment building is very strange, but never really scary.  The director never takes advantage of play on the oddness of the surroundings.  In addition, it does seem rather empty.  We only see three other tenants from the building throughout the entire movie, Veek’s two michievious teenagers who could have been much creepier, and a man Dahlia meets on the elevator.  Considering the huge building and Murray’s need to sell apartments fast, fast, fast this doesn’t seem to make much sense.  The director might have been going for a ghost town feel, but we are told and shown that this is a thriving town with one of the best schools in the nation.  Maybe the studio ran out of money and couldn’t hire any more extras.

This movie just doesn’t work.  I could see what the director and the writer were going for in different scenes, but the choices they make never pan out.  To give you an example, without explaining too much, the last scenes in the movie are supposed to be moving.  I laughed out loud.  The ending doesn’t seem to translate well, while it might work well in the Japanese version, here it just looks contrived.  The opening sequence with Dahlia as a little girl, which we see again and again in flashbacks, does nothing to add weight to the character or the storyline.  The movie is beset with countless boneheaded decisions are made simply because of the need to advance another ghost scene in the plot.  The movie wastes a great cast and a very intriguing set up for a psychological drama for what amounts to a pretty lame ghost movie.  If you want to see a good suspenseful movie about a kid that talks to dead people I’d recommend you go out and rent M. Night Shyamalan’s The Sixth Sense, unless water scares you.

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War of the Worlds

Sadly, Spielberg’s populist instincts are in full effect for the film’s finale (which in and of itself is a bit logic-defying), but it’s not enough to detract from the overall power and effectiveness of this very engaging piece of cinema. Even at his schlocky worst, Spielberg remains an absolute master of the form, and War of the Worlds might easily be the best film you’ll see this summer.

War of the Worlds
4 & 1/2 Stars

It’s been quite some time since summer blockbuster season was anything more than mindless explosions, but this year may mark the return of the engaging action film, with Batman Begins and Steven Spielberg’s War of the Worlds making big time entertainment both smarter, and more emotionally engaging than audiences have been used to.

Marking the fifth incarnation (book, radio play, the 53 film version, a low-budget source-faithful movie made last year, and now this version) of H.G. Wells’ invasion classic, Steven Spielberg brings the Victorian Era thriller into the post 9/11 present, but manages to stay true to the spirit and tone of the original. An improbably cast but still effective Tom Cruise takes the lead as blue-collar Jersey-ite Ray Ferrier whose parental weekend with his two kids (Dakota Fanning and Justin Chatwin) is interrupted by the arrival of an alien menace. Seeking only to protect himself and his children, Ray evades the destruction of his city and makes off for Boston, where his ex-wife and family are, dealing with panicked crowds, an unrelenting alien force, and his own sense of responsibility.

After it’s slightly awkward introduction of characters War of the Worlds soon kicks into high gear, with the jaw-dropping spectacle of alien machines rising out of the Earth to destroy everything in its path. From that point forward, you’re totally caught in the grip of a survival story that refuses to let up. Tense, panicked, and just brimming with the urgency of a family desperately trying to reach some kind of sanctuary, Spielberg has moved the focus and perspective of an invasion film from a world at war to one man in a situation he can’t possibly understand fully.

It’s a brilliant choice to limit the information we receive to that which Ray and his kids encounter, and it works to continually unsettle you. There’s very little exposition, no big speeches, and again and again we’re shown just how ineffective the human race is against such a superior force. Most importantly we’re show the destruction of a world through the eyes of a normal man for whom circumstance has forced him step up and fend for people other than himself.

The effects of 9/11 are all over this film, from Dakota Fanning asking a panicked Cruise, “Is it the terrorists again?” (Which, is exactly what a child would ask), to the handmade signs posted by the loved ones of the missing (and most likely dead), and most powerfully, to the equally charitable and selfish actions of people who’ve lost everything except the will to survive.

In an effective set piece (which nonetheless derails the momentum of the film due to it’s length), Ray and his daughter hook up with an addled survivalist Tim Robbins, forcing Ray to decide between fighting back at those who’ve destroyed his home and protecting the life of his daughter. It’s a tense and creepy portion of the film, and one in which you’re uncertain which direction it will eventually go in.

Sadly, Spielberg’s populist instincts are in full effect for the film’s finale (which in and of itself is a bit logic-defying), but it’s not enough to detract from the overall power and effectiveness of this very engaging piece of cinema. Even at his schlocky worst, Spielberg remains an absolute master of the form, and War of the Worlds might easily be the best film you’ll see this summer.

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Cinderella Man

There’s something about sports films that make it impossible to leave a theater not feeling upbeat, and Cinderella Man left me almost giddy by its conclusion. I enjoyed the hell out of this movie for all the right reasons. A serious picture not dark enough to be a blatant Oscar plea in the fall, this film is the perfect movie for filmgoers looking for summer entertainment not stuffed wall to wall with explosions or superheroes. Sure it’s semi standard treacle from Ron Howard, but it’s story and production lift it far beyond it’s mediocre trappings.

Cinderella Man
3 & 1/2 Stars

Let’s get this out of the way right now: I don’t like Russell Crowe. I don’t dispute that he’s a fine actor at times, but there’s just something about him that gets on my nerves. Ditto for Renee Zellweger and her “oh, I just bit a lemon” face. I went into Cinderella Man with no knowledge of the film outside of it being a period piece about a boxer, and that it starred those two actors.

Man, was I in for a surprise.

Just don’t mock his poems

Cinderella Man tells the true story of Jim Braddock (Crowe), a heavy-weight boxer whose bright career was derailed by the Depression and a series of lackluster fights. Unable to secure any work capable of providing for his family, the once proud Braddock is reduced to public assistance and hitting up old boxing aquaintences to get by. That is until his former manager (Paul Giamatti, proving once again he’s one of the best actors in Hollywood) finagles a substitution bout for Braddock which starts him on the road to a title fight against the notoriously powerful champion, Max Baer.

On paper it’s easy to dismiss this film as the period piece Rocky and, to be sure, there are some parallels, but the factual account of Braddock’s comeback and eventual triumph is more powerful than Hollywood is capable of making up. Director Ron Howard proves once again that he’s an absolute master of populist entertainment on par with Capra. I know that’s a heavy claim to lay on Opie, but Cinderella Man should certainly solidify his reputation as a capable storyteller.

The period look suits Crowe, whose natural bulk lends itself to a time when boxers didn’t have multimillion dollar gyms to hone their bodies into chiseled slabs. Crowe looks natural in the ring, and Howard does an excellent job giving us boxing matches that are well shot and satisfyingly real. When Braddock faces off against Baer (a near unrecognizable Craig Beirko), every ounce of force each blow sends is felt, without resorting to thunderous sound effects or cartoonish results.

And against all of my expectations, Crowe turns in a note-perfect portrayal of a proud man trying to provide for his family while holding on to his dignity and self respect. It’s an understated performance which goes a long way to repairing my impression of the actor. Paul Giamatti is, as always, an absolute scene stealer. He’s an actor that I hope like hell will get more leading roles on par with Miles from Sideways, but his supporting work here might just be what pushes Oscar voters to make up for his losing the Best Actor to Jamie Foxx. His work here provides much of the comic relief, but it’s delivered by a man whose situation is just as desperate as Braddock’s, and his crusty demeanor belies a man who knows he’s just moments away from losing his own good fortune.

For once, Renee Zellweger’s pinched look finds a perfect home in Mae Braddock, and she looks utterly natural as a Depression era woman. She’s given little to do besides alternate between worrying about her family and encouraging her husband, but the few times she’s given scenes with any weight, she conveys the weary determination of a woman who will do whatever it takes to keep her family safe and sound.

There’s something about sports films that make it impossible to leave a theater not feeling upbeat, and Cinderella Man left me almost giddy by its conclusion. I enjoyed the hell out of this movie for all the right reasons. A serious picture not dark enough to be a blatant Oscar plea in the fall, this film is the perfect movie for film-goers looking for summer entertainment not stuffed wall to wall with explosions or superheroes.

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Sidewalk Surfing Is Cooler Than Ever

Overall Lords of Dogtown is a lightweight, but thoroughly entertaining biopic, and one sorely overdue. By taking the videogames, ESPN coverage, and mainstream influence out of skateboarding, it’ll be no wonder if this film manages to inspire a whole new generation of kids out to claim the city streets for their own.

Lords of Dogtown
3 & 1/2 Stars

If any sport just cried out for a decent cinematic treatment, skateboarding would have to be at the top of that list. By its very design it’s urban, counter-culture, and practiced by the kind of die-hard outsiders that Hollywood seems to love. So how is it that to date each attempt has been uniformly awful? Maybe it’s because every previous skateboarder film has been the product of a craze-cashing studio with no real understanding of the sport’s allure and culture. Thankfully, former pro-skater and filmmaker Stacey Peralta has stepped up with director Catherine Hardwicke (Thirteen) to deliver a love song to modern skate boarding’s origins with Lords of Dogtown.

Now that’s just cool

A semi-fictionalized retelling of the tale first show in Peralta’s documentary Dogtown & Z-Boys, The Lords of Dogtown focuses on the skating trifecta of the sports first icon Tony Alva (Victor Rasuk), selfless promoter Stacey Peralta (John Robinson), and unbending purist Jay Adams (Emile Hirsch) as they go from young surf punks to unlikely superstars amid the wreckage of Venice, California and their own lives. A nearly unrecognizable (and truly perfect) Heath Ledger plays Skip Engblom, the founder of the Zephyr Surf shop and the man who took a group of young kids heading nowhere and gave them the opportunity to make something of their lives and of their talent, only to be cast aside as their fame and fortune grew.

While the film conveys upon its characters a little more awareness of their immediate impact than they probably had, Lords of Dogtown has an excellent feel for its characters, and how their lives are changed by their talents and ambitions. The Z-Boys were kids who, above all else, just loved to skate and the three excellent leads never feel forced or contrived in their enthusiasm or relationships to each other. Hirsch is exceptionally good as Adams, the effortless master who can’t be bothered with the trappings and obligations of fame, and his life’s decline is a sharp contrast to how Alva and Peralta’s fortunes continued to rise.

The conflict and confusion these kids must have felt is a bit glossed over, indeed the whole film is a fairly breezy ride once the sponsors and accolades come to them, but the skateboarding is perfectly filmed with a mix of traditional and skate-video style camera work that perfectly captures the intensity and physicality of skateboarding. The Zephyr team was comprised of about 12 kids, so it’s a little disappointing that we’re not given any real opportunity to learn or care about the rest of the team, but thankfully Dogtown & Z-Boys fills in the rest of their sordid and storied history.

Overall Lords of Dogtown is a lightweight, but thoroughly entertaining biopic, and one sorely overdue. By taking the videogames, ESPN coverage, and mainstream influence out of skateboarding, it’ll be no wonder if this film manages to inspire a whole new generation of kids out to claim the city streets for their own.

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