The Dukes of Hazzard
Well, it’s as bad as the original show.
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I had quite an adventure on my way to see The Dukes of Hazzard. Not only did major road construction cause me to have to detour way the hell out of the way, but I got lost. Real lost. You see, I like to make it to the screenings fairly early to ensure that I get my seat and so I can get settled before the film begins. Well, my terrible direction sense caused me to finally make it back onto the main highway and to the movie theater with just seconds to spare.
Even though I was stressed out from all the heavy duty driving I had to do and pissed off from getting so incredibly lost, it still ended up being a better time than the actual movie itself.
I just want to make two things clear: I know the original Dukes of Hazzard show was pretty dumb and that this current movie remake isn’t meant to be any great masterpiece of film. Also, after seeing Wedding Crashers and enjoying the hell out of it, I’ve been trying to open my mind a little and give stupid comedies more of a chance.
I tried. Dukes of Hazzard just didn’t cut it.
In redneck Hazzard County in Georgia, Bo and Luke Duke (played by Sean William Scott and Johnny Knoxville, respectively) are just a couple of good ol’ boys runnin’ moonshine deliveries for their uncle Jessie (Willie Nelson). They get harassed by Boss Hogg (Burt Reynolds) and his lackey Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane (M.C. Gainey), who hate the Duke boys for all of their wacky shenanigans and also don’t want them to win some lame car race with their famous General Lee.
There’s some stuff with a stupid Nascar driver, played by a guy who is seriously trying to do his best impersonation of Ben Stiller’s character from Dodge Ball, which is pathetic. He ends up being a front for some evil doings that Hogg attempts to orchestrate that will screw over the fine citizens of Hazzard County and our boys must save the day by foiling his plans. It’s like a feature-length version of one of the old episodes, just with more profanity and close-ups of Daisy’s ass.
Oh yeah, Jessica Simpson plays Daisy Duke, the boys’ hot cousin, whose purpose in this movie is solely to lure cops away from their duties with a shake of her ass… like at least four times… the same exact thing throughout the movie… again and again… you get it. It’s not like Catherine Bach’s role in the original series served any other purpose, but Jessica Simpson really has no other reason for being in this movie except to titillate drooling males in the audience and give horny teens a boner.
Look, I like hot chicks. But I guess what rubbed me the wrong way was that the audience actually applauded a close-up of Simpson’s ass. Also, every time she came on the screen the frat boy next to me said either “God” or “Jesus Christ” as if he was about to have to go to the bathroom and check his pants. Anyway, I guess I’m a fool for expecting someone on the big screen to actually have to act for her multi-million dollar reward. Silly me!
Ok, now that I’ve made it over the hurdle of Jessica Simpson’s ass, I can talk a bit about the films shortcomings. Knoxville, Scott, Simpson, and even Burt Reynolds can’t do a southern accent to save their lives and it was distracting. Also, the original Duke boys were supposed to be naive and goofy in a charming way, but Knoxville and Scott are not very convincing. It’s hard to see them as being good ol’ boys that don’t mean to do no harm. Instead, they just end up seeming slightly retarded.
For some reason, they decided to make Roscoe a dour, serious, menacing kind of guy instead of the bumbling, stuttering, idiot that he was in the original show. Now that I think of it, Burt doesn’t really do a bumbling Boss Hogg either and there isn’t much comedy that comes from them. They just show up in scenes looking ridiculous and twirling their mustaches and then their plans get foiled. It’s just kind of static. Sure the original show was corny, but at least it wasn’t boring.
Unfortunately, Willie Nelson is absolutely wasted in this movie (pun intended). Even though he does get out a couple of good lines (and he does have natural charisma… he’s fucking Willie Nelson for chrissakes !), he mainly just appears in scenes rattling off a sting of goofy old jokes for no good reason. Well, I guess the man got a pretty good paycheck for his efforts.
One last thing… I must address a totally stupid and pointless scene in the movie that kind of reveals the fundamental weakness in reviving this old idea for a modern movie. At one point the guys have to drive to Atlanta to get a core sample analyzed (don’t ask). When they get to the big city people start flipping them off and giving them a hard time about being rednecks. Then they stop in a “bad neighborhood” and a group of “gangstas” threaten to kill them for the confederate flag on the top of the General Lee. The boys act very innocent and are confused because Cooter painted the flag on the car without them knowing it.
What is the point of this? Are they trying to make a half-assed apology for the supposed racism that was found in the original show? The Dukes of Hazzard series was made at a time when it was easy to get away with things that today would seem insensitive to certain audiences. The movie, however, makes no improvement on the show and wallows in the same retardation that plagued the series. After watching the new version of The Dukes of Hazzard I’m convinced that it should have remained squarely in the era from which it came.
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