Where Is That Stench Coming From?

by December Lambeth on January 3, 2006

in Home Video

Spelunkers beware there are mutants down in those caves. Nothing to be frightened of here, The Cave fails to scare or even intrigue it’s viewers, the monsters are amateur looking and the acting is even worse. Dialogue becomes halfway comical at best and the sound and set design is pitiful; this film is one big stinker.

The Cave
Negative Stars

The Cave is a film that sends audiences into unchartered territory for no apparent reason; there isn’t any treasure to be found at the bottom of this well. Characters are not fully realized, so nobody cares when they are killed off one by one and the storyline itself is so dry that not even the constant dripping and running water throughout the film can give it life. This film has mold growing all over it.

A top notch group of thrill seeking divers go on an adventure beneath the Romania’s Carpathian mountain range, only to find no way out and creepy monstrous parasites that can do it all. The monsters can fly, swim, scale walls and kill; oddly enough they don’t kill to feed, they just kill people and infect some (warming up for part 2).

Leading the team is Jack (Cole Hauser) and his brother Tyler (Eddie Cibrian), the two argue over young Tyler’s abilities to be a proper leader and quit showboating. The rest of the team is comprised of a hodge podge mix of x-military, Romanian scientists and a couple of hotties who look good in a wet suit, the team doesn’t really matter considering only a couple make it out alive and there isn’t much back story or group chemistry.

As the crew reaches their target, there is a cave in and they must find another way out. Right out of the gates, one of the crew bights it and then another and another as they work their way through tunnels and waterfalls to get out. Jack gets attacked, but not killed; no much worse happens, he starts to mutate and turn into one of the creatures. Tyler becomes very concerned for his brother and his ability to get what little is left of the crew out alive. But Jack saves the day and rescues his little brother and biologist Dr. Kathryn Jennings (Lena Headey), before jumping into a blaze of fire with one of the creatures.

Of course the whole thing ends with no purpose, but to let us know there is a possibility of a straight to DVD part 2 in the future.


Don’t even waste your time; unless you have it in for really bad horror/sci-fi films, The Cave is hollow and slimy. There is never a good shot of the creatures or any long scary moments that builds us up to a jump and the commentary at times is funny, but not meant to be. The Cave isn’t even good enough to be rated as campy; the film just sets there. Go blow your money on something else, like Barney or Teletubbies, now there is a good scare.

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