Criminally Contrived Cinema

  • Title: Failure to Launch
  • IMDb: link

A man meets a woman through a wager, bet, or dare or has some secret that can’t be shared.  The two actually do fall for each other (these contrived film couples somehow always have 100% compatibility) but just as they are expressing their true love the reality of the bet, dare, or secret is exposed and the characters are forced to part for about 20 minutes of screen time when their mutual friends come up with a plan to trick them into getting back together.  It always works and the couple lives happily ever after.

If you like that kind of contrived sentimental slop you’ll love Failure to Launch because it follows the exact same formula of so many romantic comedies including How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (or as I refer to it How to Lose Respect for Kate Hudson in Under 10 Minutes), Worth Winning, 50 First Dates, 40 Days and 40 Nights, Serendipity,  and so many more.

The film is about Trip (Matthew McConaughey) who lives with his parents (Kathy Bates and Terry Bradshaw).  Afraid to hurt his feelings by asking him to move out they hire a woman to pretend to be his girlfriend named Paula (Sarah Jessica Parker) who specializes in getting men to move out of their parents’ homes.  (Your eye roll here).

Of course the two naturally fall for each other and then breakup with the truth is learned by Trip’s friends.  One (Justin Bartha) uses the information to blackmail Paula’s sister (Zooey Deschanel) into going out with him and the other (Bradley Cooper) tells Trip about it during a pick-up basketball game.  The film continues in the moronic pattern stated above and includes not one, not two, not three, not four, but five ridiculous insanely contrived scenes with animals including Trip hugging a dolphin, getting bit by a chipmunk, an iguana laughing, and mouth to mouth on a hummingbird.

The only one who comes off good here is Justin Bartha playing the nerdy but good hearted best friend.  Everyone is playing a caricature because the plot is so cliche and unbelievable it can’t support the weight of real people and real issues. Deschanel is caught playing the mean but not too mean roommate is a slightly sunnier version of her role in Winter Passing.  Bradshaw is okay but a little over his head in this film role and Parker, McConauhey, and Bates are all capable of much more than this.  The trouble is everyone is unlikable because they are all lying and using each other to get what they want.  That’s not exactly the recipe for a light-hearted romantic comedy.

People meet, begin relationships and fall in love every day.  Can’t Hollywood tell some of these stories without relying on such preposterous set-ups?  The problem is these films are trying to recapture the screwball romances of the 40’s and 50’s without the zaniness; that just doesn’t work.  There’s a reason why even Woody Allen‘s worst films still work better than films like this.  Allen understand that real obstacles couples go through to meet and stay together are much more interesting, funny, and tragic than any kind of contrived set-up.

It should be a crime to make a film this contrived.  It never makes you care about any of these conniving characters or about the story itself which if you’ve seen any of the films I mentioned above you already know the plot to this one.  To make something of a film with such obvious problems it needs to be filled with terrific performances that will help it transcend its contrived fomulaic framework, but sadly this film is full of people having a good time rather than giving great performances.  Though to be fair I don’t think and Oscar caliber cast could save this movie.  When the script is the bad the only cure is some kerosene and matches.