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The Asylum’s 2024 mockbuster Snow White and the Seven Samurai is odd little low budget, straight-to-video, flick that seems to exist only because both Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Seven Samurai have the number 7 in the title. Fiona Dorn “stars” as the daughter of a mobster (Eric Roberts) known for his heavy cocaine distribution (earing her the nickname Snow White – despite no one actually calling her that).
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An overworked Kermit, a dime-store novel, the mention of pie, and a backstage accident at the Muppet Theater lead to an unconscious Kermit reimagining himself in a noir world as gumshoe Flip Minnow hired by Delores Crustworth: Queen of Pies (food which our amphibian detective has an aversion) to find her missing neice Meringue (Miss Piggy). While on the case we’re introduced to several Muppet mainstays as part of Kermit’s delusion including Fozzie as Officer O’Bear, Rowlf as a piano player in a restaurant that tolerates no noise, and Gonzo as a nightclub act.
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Inarguably lesser Schwarzenegger, Flashback Friday takes us 40 years to 1986’s Raw Deal when Hollywood was still struggling with turning the former bodybuilder into a consistent blockbuster action star. Perhaps not surprisingly, throwing Arnold Schwarzenegger into the middle of a crime drama as a blackballed cop turned small town sheriff working undercover with the mob, with no sense of humor given the absurdity of such an idea, isn’t the most believable of scenarios.
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