1.5 Razors

P.S. This is a Bad Movie

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: P.S. I Love You
  • IMDb: link

P.S. I Love YouFresh off the insanely bad The Reaping (read that review) Hilary Swank takes this braindead romcom?  Why, Hilary, Why?  Okay, so it’s nowhere near the disaster of Mandy Moore’s films from earlier this year, but when that’s the only good thing I can say about it, well, that’s a problem.  Overfilled with enough cuteness to make a Care Bear strangle someone, this is a film best forgotten in movie hell, or inevitably replayed forever on Lifetime (which might be the same thing).

Holly (Hilary Swank) and Gerry (Gerard Butler) are the cutest couple ever!  They met cute, their first kiss was precious, and they even fight cute.  This movie is so stuffed with cuteness it makes The Care Bears Movie look like Schindler’s List.  Problem is, he’s dead.  But don’t worry, it’s not a downer because Holly even mopes cute.

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Why I Hate Weddings

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Margot at the Wedding
  • IMDb: link

You know I can handle a chick flick, but Margot at the Wedding is a chick flick on speed, (and not that good of one).

The film is centered on Margot (Nicole Kidman) an overbearing and smothering loudmouth who drags her child (Zane Pais) to her sister Pauline’s (Jennifer Jason Leigh) wedding, not to celebrate to to break it up and find some time cheat on her husband (John Turturro) to bone an old school chum (Ciarán Hinds).

Subplots of the film include the averageness of Pauline’s fiancé Malcolm (Jack Black), the cute and seductive neighborhood girl (Halley Feiffer), suggestions of child abuse and incest, and the increasingly odd and crazy argument with the neighbors over the fate of the family’s favorite tree.

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More Video Game Movie Mediocrity

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Hitman
  • IMDb: link

What’s Thanksgiving without a turkey?  Hitman is exactly is good as you would expect from a flick adapted off a series of video games.  It’s not the mind-numbing disaster Doom was (thank God! read that review), but it’s not exactly good either.

Timothy Olyphant stars as “Agent 47,” a bald hitman with a bar code stamped on the back of his head.  He works for a secret organization performing assassination and murder for hire, that is until (for no apparent reason) he’s sold out by the people who own him and he goes on the run with a whore (Olga Kurylenko) owned by the man he must kill and avoid capture by the Interpol agent on his tail (Dougray Scott).

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No Ho-Ho-Ho Here

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Fred Claus
  • IMDb: link

“My brother is Santa Claus.”
 

Fred Claus movie review

Fred Claus (Vince Vaughn) is an immortal schmuck.  The older brother of Santa Claus (Paul Giamatti) has spent his life in the shadow of his famous sibling.  He’s a con artist, a thief, a liar, and an all around unlikable guy.  Needing money for his latest scheme he takes a temporary job in the North Pole working for his brother.

There’s more to the film including a reunion with Fred’s parents (Kathy Bates, Trevor Peacock), an evil efficiency expert (Kevin Spacey) trying to put Santa out of business, an elf (John Michael Higgins) with a crush on Santa’s little helper (Elizabeth Banks), a troubled orphan named Slam (Bobb’e J. Thompson), and Fred consistently screwing up his relationship with a woman who is too good for him (Rachel Weisz).

Would you believe, with all these stories, not a single one is interesting?  Yeah, Giamatti is not too bad in the role of Santa (and Miranda Richardson does a tolerable job as his wife), but other than look like Santa there’s nothing for him to do in the film except play the straight man to Vaughn’s antics.

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Heart-Broken

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: The Heartbreak Kid
  • IMDb: link

The Heartbreak Kid

Ben Stiller plays his usual self – a normal guy who gets into an unlikely situation that gets worse and worse until finally everything is resolved at the last minute.  Sound familiar?  If you’ve seen There’s Something About Mary, Meet the Parents, Along Came Polly, and the like, then you’ve seen Stiller’s trademark character who he trots out every couple years for another film.

This remake of the 1972 film finds a 40 year-old single man pressured into marrying a relative stranger (Malin Akerman – doing a scary, awkward, and charmless Cameron Diaz impersonation) only to find out on his honeymoon that’s she’s not the woman he thought she was.  Shocker!

Things get complicated further when Eddie (Stiller) falls for a young woman (Michelle Monaghan) vacationing with her family at the resort and tells a small lie about a former wife and an ice pick that leads to all types of implausible misunderstandings.  You know those films where you don’t see things coming?  This isn’t one of those.

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