1.5 Razors

Harsh Times at the Theater

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Harsh Times
  • IMDb: link

Imagine if Cheech and Chong cruised around South Central L.A. and Mexico, and one of them was a psychotic Rambo wannabe.  That’s the basic premise, actually the entire plot, of Harsh Times.  These characters have made each of their lives into a long, boring, pointless mess…kinda’ like this film.

Jim (Christian Bale) is an award winning screw-up and psycho.  He spends his days getting high and drunk with his friends in South Central L.A.  Despite his nature, his constant need for violence and total disregard for the law, and severe post-traumatic shock from his time as a soldier in Iraq, Jim wants to be a cop or maybe a Fed.

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Empty Chest

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
  • IMDB: link

pirates-dead-mans-chest-posterPirates of the Carribean: Dead Man’s Chest is a perfect example why sequels shouldn’t be made.  There’s nothing original here as the film gives us action scene after action scene, without any real story to hold them together. 

Nor does it help that the film steals plot, characters, scenes and more from Clash of the Titans (the Kracken, the floating coffins), King Kong (the island and its multicultural tribe, the running time), The Return of the Jedi (the Quarren, the Sarlaac, the Ewok village, the ceremonial fires and the exact scene as Han Solo tries to blow the fire out), Raiders of the Lost Ark (the tribe chasing the explorers through the jungle to the safety of the plane, the giant boulder), The Matrix Reloaded (the search for an oracle, the gathering together of forces on an adventure in the next film) and others even including American Gladiators (atlasphere)!

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Oh Just Break-Up Already!

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: The Break-Up
  • IMDb: link

The Break-Up

What happened here?  The ingredients are here for a good film, but nothing happens.  Aniston’s second disappointment of the year is even worse than the first (Friends with Money – read that review here).  Guys if your girl wants to see this find an excuse, any will do even if you have to cause yourself some physical pain (it will be less than viewing this flick trust me), to stay away.

Brooke (Jennifer Aniston) the sexy art dealer and Gary (Vince Vaughn) the tour bus director met cute at a Cubs/Sox game and have been together ever since.  Brooke feels Vince isn’t putting enough into the relationship and decides to break-up with him not because she wants to break-up but because she thinks it will make him love her more and admit he is wrong.  Such twisted-movie-female-logic is the stuff this film is made of.

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Disaster of a Film

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Poseidon (2006)
  • IMDb: link

rogue wave – relatively large and spontaneous ocean surface waves which can sink even large ships and ocean liners; they are more concisely defined as waves that are more than double the significant wave heigh, which is itself defined as the mean of the largest third of waves in a wave record.  Once thought to be only legendary, they are now known to be a natural (although relatively rare – except in Hollywood) ocean phenomenon.  (Wikipedia)

Poseidon is a tepid, detached, derivative, boring, silly, banal, unimaginative, stupid little film.  It will probably make $160 million by the end of the summer.  The movie feels more like a made-for-TV Sci-fi Channel disaster flick like Deep Shock or Descent than an actual theatrical film.

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