2 Razors

Stormwatch #4

stormwatch-4-coverThe first story arc for the New 52 version of Stormwatch comes to an end as the Midnighter and Apollo are all that stand in the the way of the giant alien creature who has absorbed their other teammates.

Although there’s plenty of action here, the writing by Paul Cornell struggles at times. We get more of Jack Hawksmoor literally talking to cities, the complete uselessness of Adam One, the lack of appearances of any other DC character with a threat this huge and public, and some very unsubtle stirrings between Midnighter and Apollo.

One of these issues might be taken care of in next month’s issue as the Shadow Cabinet puts the team leader on trial for his failures, but the rest really need to be addressed if the comic is going to ever grow into anything more than a curiosity.

When introduced this Stormwatch appeared to be a group that would take on shadowy threats far more covertly than we’ve seen so far. That might work. Fighting giant aliens very, very publicly (while keeping it hidden from the rest of the DCU) is far more problematic. Hit-and-Miss.

[DC, $2.99]

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Fantastic Four #600

fantastic-four-600-coverThe 50th anniversary issue of the Fantastic Four is a super-sized issue featuring Annihilus and his army attempting to breach the Negative Zone with the help of the Council of Reeds, Galactus preparing for the worst, the Avengers and the Future Foundation banding together to stop an all-out invasion of Earth by the Kree on the orders of the recently resurrected Supreme Intelligence, a telepathic lovers spat between Black Bolt and Medusa, and (surprising absolutely no one) the return of Johnny Storm.

For such a monumental event the comic is certainly packed with pages, but I was a little disappointed how much of the plot was only peripherally connected (or to be honest, all that interesting). Writer Jonathan Hickman is struggling to juggle so many characters and stories perhaps it’s not surprising than some fall flat.

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The Smurfs

  • Title: The Smurfs
  • IMDB: link

smurfs-blu-rayThe Smurfs were a staple of my Saturday morning cartoons growing up. For those unfamiliar, Smurfs are small blue magical creatures named after their most prominent characteristic (giving us characters like Handy Smurf, Jokey Smurf, Poet Smurf, Sneezy Smurf, and the like). They live in mushroom houses, feed on Smurfberries, and spend most of their time singing and hiding from an evil wizard who wants to destroy them.

Fleeing from the evil wizard Gargamel (Hank Azaria) a handful of Smurfs find themselves pulled through a magical portal into our world. Now Papa Smurf (Jonathan Winters), Smurfette (Katy Perry), Grouchy (George Lopez), Brainy (Fred Armisen), Gutsy (Alan Cumming), and Clumsy (Anton Yelchin) find themselves in New York. To find their way home they enlist the help of a stressed out marketer (Neil Patrick Harris) with an egomaniacal boss (Sofía Vergara) and a pregnant wife (Jayma Mays).

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Stormwatch #3

stormwatch-3-coverAs Apollo heads into space to try and destroy the meteors hurtling towards Earth the rest of the team jumps to Colorado where the first meteor has landed and a giant space monster is now on the loose.

The third issue of the series isn’t awful, but it is disappointing in several ways. With the exception of the Eminence of Blades on the moon and Apollo in deep space the team looks rather pathetic against the first big threat we see them come across. I’m thinking that’s maybe not how you want to showcase a team just taking its first steps into the proper DCU.

I’v also less than happy with the literal translation of Jack Hawksmoor‘s ability to talk to cities. A better writer would understand that this refers to the character’s innate understanding of what is going on in cities with a connection that can’t actually be expressed. Writer Paul Cornell’s much more literally version is Jack actually talking to female avatars of cities in an awkward attempt to explain his powers. Ugh.

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Maybe Roland Emmerich should stick to disaster movies

  • Title: Anonymous
  • IMDB: link

anonymous-posterDid William Shakespeare write the plays and collected works attributed to him, or is someone else responsible? In an age where conspiracy theories are more popular than reality-TV shows director Roland Emmerich and writer John Orloff not only ask but offer an answer that question.

Anonymous follows the train of thought that Elizabethan aristocrat, Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford (Rhys Ifans), is the real author to Shakespeare’s works. Shakespeare (Rafe Spall) himself? Well, if you buy into this version, he was an uneducated dullard and bumbling actor with barely enough brains to take credit for another’s work.

Emmerich and Orloff aren’t the first to raise the question of Shakespeare’s authorship, but the case they make here involving vast conspiracies, secrets of the royal family, and a super-secret plan of succession to the throne of England come off more like bad soap opera than tragic drama. Their attempt to devalue Shakespeare further by portraying him as a angry buffoon doesn’t help their argument.

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