2 Razors

Blindness

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Blindness
  • IMDB: link

“That’s impossible, nobody goes blind like that.”

It starts when a single man (Yusuke Iseya) experiences sudden blindness.  The condition quickly spreads around the city, and the government quarantines the infected, forcibly sending all of them to a military controlled facility.

The story has a good concept even if it doesn’t ever develop it fully.  Based on the novel by Jose Saramango there are two main themes at work here.  The first, and less interesting, is how quickly and easily humans devolve into animals given a crisis.  Events in the quarantine facility soon destroy social convention and niceties leading to riots over food, war, murder, and rape.  Not the prettiest of pictures, even for the blind.

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A Convict’s Wet Dream

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Death Race
  • IMDb: link

“So do what you do best.  Drive.”

Hitting the theaters in the ass-end of summer (not good for an action flick) comes Death Race.  I’m not sure what Joan Allen is doing here, or even Jason Statham, but there’s little that justifies the remake of the Harvey Corman film or yet another tale about convicts killing each other for the camera.  But at least it’s better than The Condemned (read that review).

The economy of the United States has collapsed.  In this near future (roughly four years from today) prisons are run by cooperations, for a profit.  Though what type of cooperation would go for this is never explained (gee, I wonder why Budweiser wouldn’t want to be marketed in the film?).

Unemployment is out an all-time high and the most watched program on the air is a pay-per-view Internet program which involves prisoners fighting for their lives.  Hmm… haven’t we seen something like this before, once, twice, three times, or more?

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Prince Caspian

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
  • IMDB: link

“You may find Narnia a more savage place than you remember.”

chronicles-narnia-prince-caspian-posterThe film begins with the exile of Prince Caspian (Ben Barnes), the rightful heir to the throne of Narnia.  His uncle (Sergio Castellitto), whose wife has finally given him a male heir, takes the opportunity to seize control of the kingdom.

In his flight Caspian blows the magic horn (your joke here) which calls the “great kings and queens of the past” back to Narnia.  And so the Pevensie children, Peter (William Moseley), Susan (Anna Popplewell), Lucy (Georgie Henley) and Edmund (Skandar Keynes), are magically transported from a London subway to the beaches of Narnia.

Narnia is quite different than they remember as thousands of years have past and the magical animals and creatures now live in fear of the human invaders which have driven them into seclusion in the woods.  Now Peter and the rest of his clan must help put Caspian back on the throne and give back Narnia to the Narnians, that is if they can stop bickering among themselves.

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Baby Mama

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Baby Mama
  • IMDB: link

“I just don’t like your uterus.”

baby-mama-poster

Kate Holbrook (Tina Fey) is a career businesswoman and a Vice President of a successful line of health food stores.  Her life, however, is incomplete.

Informed by her doctor (John Hodgman) of her inability to conceive, and unable to wait for adoption, Kate decides to go in a different direction.  She enlists the help of Chaffe Bicknell (Sigourney Weaver) who offers the service of uniting women wanting children with surrogate mothers.

Kate shells out $100,000 and finds white trash Angie (Amy Poehler) and her deadbeat common law husband Carl (Dax Shepard) on her doorstep.  Angie agrees to carry Kate’s baby to term and before you can say shenanigans things get crazy.

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Drillbit Taylor

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Drillbit Taylor
  • IMDB: link

“You look like a professor of faggotology.”

drillbit-taylor-poster

The film stars Nate Hartley and Troy Gentile as lovable losers and incoming freshman.  I probably don’t need to tell you the rest of the plot, but here goes.

The pair, along with a tag-a-along nerd pal (David Dorfman), on arriving at school the first day, instantly become the new objects of ridicule and torture for the sadistic school bully (Alex Frost) and his wacky pal (Josh Peck) who physically assault them on school property, try to run them down with their car, and make serious threats against their lives.

Sadly it seems the movie takes place in South Park, Colorado since every adult is a complete moron.  Complaints to the principal (Stephen Root) and to parents lead to only shrugs and laughs.

In order to protect themselves the boys hire a homeless veteran (Owen Wilson) to be their bodyguard.  Trouble is he’s more interested in mooching of the kids and scoring with a nymphomaniac teacher (Leslie Mann) than actually helping them.

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