3 Razors

Neil Gaiman’s Stardust

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Stardust
  • IMDb: link

“There was once a young man who wished to gain his Heart’s Desire…The tale started, as many tales have started, in Wall.”
 

Stardust

Tristan (Charlie Cox) is your average leading character, a dreamer, a bit of a bumbler, from modest backgrounds, and in love with a girl (Sienna Miller) who doesn’t take him seriously.

To prove his love Tristan vows to go over the wall and bring back a falling star.  Though Tristan makes it over the wall his quest leads him where he least suspects for on the other side of the wall exists a magical realm which includes witches (Michelle Pfeiffer, Sarah Alexander, Joanna Scanlan, Melanie Hill), princes (Mark Strong, Jason Flemyng, Rupert Everett) with agendas of their own, and pirates (Robert De Niro, Dexter Fletcher).

Tristan’s goal is further impeded when the star itself turns out to be a sentient creature named Yvaine (Claire Danes) whose life is now in danger from those who wish to kill her and take her power.  Tristan’s journey home with Yvaine will teach him much about himself and the world, help him discover where his heart truly lies, and give him clues to his past and his destiny.

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Bourne Before

/ / Home Video
  • Title: The Bourne Identity (1988)
  • IMDB: link

bourne-identity-tv-dvdRichard Chamberlain as Jason Bourne?  Yeah, that’s a little head-scratching I’ll admit.  However this version of the Ludlum novel does stay closer to the character and themes of the orginal, and includes the book’s villain Carlos the Jackal.

Staying true to the novel by Robert Ludlum Jason Bourne (Chamberlain) awakes after being shot and left for for dead in the ocean knowing nothing of himself or his surroundings.

Leaving the small sleepy southern French village where he washed up our protagonist heads out to discover who he is, but he his search only leads to more questions.  He is haunted by flashbacks of a women and a child and images of violence and death.

His one clue leads him to a Swiss bank account where he learns his name as his life is put in danger.  Taking a woman, Marie St. Jacques (Jaclyn Smith), as a hostage Bourne escapes.

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The Simpsons on the Big Screen

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: The Simpsons Movie
  • IMDb: link

“Why would you pay to see something you can see for free on TV?”
—Homer Simpson

The Simpsons Movie movie review

If you’ve watched thw show you know the basic formula of it’s 18 years of success: Homer (Dan Castellaneta) screws-up, Bart (Nancy Cartwright) gets into trouble, Lisa (Yeardly Smith) fights for a lost cause, Marge (Julie Kavner) gets angry, and by the end of the episode everything turns out fine.  Not surprisingly the script for this movie version holds true to form.

The main story involves the obsessions of Homer with a new pig and Lisa with cleaning up Lake Springfield.  When these two storylines converge Springfield is put in danger (guess who’s to blame) and the family finds itself hated by their friends and hunted by President Arnold Schwarzenegger and the EPA.

The film is enjoyable and fans will not doubt flock to the theaters to have a chance to see their favorite characters on the big screen.  However one does have to ask why this film was made, and why was it made now while the show is still in production?  In one of the better jokes (though it rips-off Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back read the review) Homer asks the very same question.

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No Need For Reservations

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: No Reservations
  • IMDb: link

“You know better than anyone.
It’s the recipes you create yourself that are the best.”

No Reservations movie review

Kate (Catherine Zeta-Jones) is the head chef at an upscale New York restaurant.  She’s also compulsive, anal, controlling, and a times what could be referred to as a bitch on wheels.  All this changes when her sister dies in a car accident leaving her young daughter Zoe (Abigail Breslin) in Kate’s care.  To make matters worse the owner of the restaurant (Patricia Clarkson) has hired a new chef (Aaron Eckhart) to spice things up and pick-up the slack in the kitchen as Kate deals with her grief and new responsibilities.  You can guess where the story goes from here.  Kate learns to be more open and accepting, Zoe struggles with her mother’s death and new surroundings, and the animosity between Kate and Nick turns into love just as movie romances always seem to do.

No Reservations isn’t a bad film, but it’s so predictable and tame that it more resembles a frozen dinner than cuisine.  If not for the fact of casting three remarkably talented and likable leads the film would be almost completely unwatchable.  Though the star power isn’t enough to turn this turkey into a swan it does enough to make the film at least palatable.

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Shrek the Third

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Shrek the Third
  • IMDb: link

Well, the good news is the third installment isn’t the complete disaster that many saw coming.  The bad news however is it isn’t nearly as good as Shrek 2.  Still, it has some memorable moments and a few laughs, and should entertain you for most of it’s 93 minute running time.

After King Harold (John Cleese) falls ill and dies, the kingdom falls to Shrek (Mike Meyers) who wants nothing to do with ruling and only wants to take Fiona (Cameron Diaz) back to the swamp and live in peace and quiet, which will be difficult considering Fiona’s got her own baby surprise for our hero.

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