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Pain & Gain

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Pain & Gain
  • IMDB: link

Pain & GainBased on a somewhat unbelievable true series of events, Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne “It’s Okay to Call Me The Rock Again” Johnson, and Anthony Mackie star as a trio of bodybuilders who decide to kidnap and rob a local businessman (Tony Shalhoub). Played to the hilt, the insane over-the-top Pain & Gain embraces the ridiculousness of the situation to deliver some truly funny sequences. Sadly, it delivers almost as many groan worthy moments and some disturbing violence that doesn’t always mesh well with the zany tone of the movie. The true story the film is based on is so unbelievable director Michael Bay even stops the film at times to remind the audience that (some form of) these events really occurred.

The characters, who don’t seem smart enough to remember to breathe, aren’t even caricatures so much as full-blown cartoons. There’s a scene from Michael Bay’s first awful Transformers flick where a group of giant robots tiptoe around a suburban house hoping no one will see or hear them. That plan is near genius compared to those of Daniel Lugo (Wahlberg) and his confederates.

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G.I. JOE: Retaliation

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: G.I. JOE: Retaliation
  • IMDB: link

G.I. JOE: RetaliationFour years after the train wreck that was G.I. JOE: The Rise of Cobra, the sequel finally makes it to theaters after converting the movie to 3D and shooting additional scenes to cash-in on Channing Tatum‘s increased celebrity. G.I. JOE: Retaliation doesn’t prove to be worth the wait, but it’s certainly far better than the original.

For those of you unlucky enough to have witnessed the first film, you know that the terrorist organization known as Cobra had risen. Even if they had been defeated by the American special anti-terrorism force known as G.I. JOE, one of Cobra’s own, the master of disguise known as Zartan (Arnold Vosloo), had taken the place of the President of the United States (Jonathan Pryce).

G.I. JOE: Retaliation picks up some months later with President Zartan orchestrating the public disgrace and destruction of the JOEs while Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) and Firefly (Ray Stevenson) break Cobra Commander (now played by Luke Bracey) out of futuristic prison in an overly-elaborate plan.

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The Last Boy Scout is Under Siege after Olympus Has Fallen

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Olympus Has Fallen
  • IMDB: link

Olympus Has FallenOlympus Has Fallen comes from a long line of dumb action flicks that are more concerned about high body counts and how many rounds of ammunition can be pumped into nameless causalities at high speeds than little things like plot, logic, and character. Twenty years ago this kind of film would have starred Bruce Willis or Steven Seagal. Not surprisingly, this dumb-as-dirt action flick comes from a pair of first-time screenwriters (Creighton Rothenberger, Katrin Benedikt) who pull from numerous similar films about a lone disgraced hero in over his head.

Gerard Butler stars as Secret Service Agent Mike Banning, the best of the best and a personal friend to the President of the United States (Aaron Eckhart) and his son (Finley Jacobsen). In the film’s opening sequence an unfortunate turn of events forces Banning to sacrifice the First Lady (Ashley Judd) in order to save the President’s life. Although Banning’s service is exemplary, and he performed his duty perfectly, he finds himself sitting at a desk at the U.S. Treasury for 18 months (which is when the story picks back up).

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Snitch

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Snitch
  • IMDB: link

snitch-movie-posterSnitch is perplexing. Despite the promise of Dwayne “It’s Okay to Call Me The Rock Again” Johnson, plenty of action, and a poster that’s oddly similar to the The Rock’s last action flick, what writer/director Ric Roman Waugh and co-writer Justin Haythe deliver is a character study that’s short on action and a treatise whose true purpose is to lecture the audience on the the evils of mandatory minimum sentencing for drug-related crimes.

Despite being the most physically intimidating figure in the entire film, The Rock’s role is written as a upper-middle class suburban dad with little to no experience with violence. The Rock’s part seems obviously written for a schlub (Paul Giamatti would have made for far more natural casting). Choosing The Rock for a heavily dramatic role that doesn’t acknowledge, let alone make use of, his natural assets as an action star may allow the wrestler turned actor to broaden his breadth of work, but it’s just one of many odd choices Snitch makes during it’s nearly two-hour running time (which is about half-an-hour too long).

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A Good Day to Die Hard

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: A Good Day to Die Hard
  • IMDB: link

a-good-day-to-die-hard-posterThe original Die Hard did a lot of things very well, but one of the most remarked upon was its simplicity. Isolating the protagonist to a largely empty office building, Johh McClane spent most of the film without guns, gadgets, even shoes. Playing the game this straight let all of McClane’s accomplishments shine harder, and stacked up the stakes even more hopelessly against him.

But you don’t need simplicity for a great film. That’s surely something the filmmakers of A Good Day to Die Hard kept in mind with this fifth film in the series. This time around, McClane flys to Russia hoping to get his ne’er-do-well son (played by Jai Courtney, not great) out some trouble he’s run into.

Turns out that the boy is undercover – John Jr. has become a professional at one of his Dad’s recurring hobbies – saving the world, or something like it. Both McClanes become entangled, despite their estranged relationship, on a mission to rescue a political prisoner.

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