Pirates of the Caribbean

Pirates of the Caribbean: Trainwreck at World’s End

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
  • IMDB: link

“There was a time when a pirate was free to make his own way in the world, but our time is coming to an end.  Our enemies are united; they vow to destroy us.  The Pirate Lords from the four corners of the Earth must stand together.”

pirates-at-worlds-end-posterThe film begins, after a bizarre introduction about singing coins and eight pieces of nine (don’t ask) which is never satisfactorily explained, with Will (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth (Keira Knightley), and Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) in Singapore.
Their visit has two purposes.  The first is to gain the maps and ship necessary to travel to Davy Jone’s Locker and rescue Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp).  The second involves a poorly thought out, and even worse explained, plotline about a meeting of pirate lords, mysterious artifacts, and a goddess which Barbossa wants to use to fight back against Norrington’s (Jack Davenport) control of the seas.

After making a deal with Captain Sao Fang (Chow Yun-Fat) the group sails to rescue Jack (who doesn’t make his first appearance until more than 20 minutes into the film) who is lost in a bizarre land where he is haunted by mirror images of himself and stones which turn into crabs.

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Y’arr, She Blows

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
  • IMDB: link

I stand by my assessment that Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest was better than The Curse of the Black Pearl, and now I can say it was the best of the three Pirates films.  At World’s End is so clumsily and half-assedly assembled that it loses all of the fun its predecessors had, and fails to come up with a single justifiable excuse for wasting two hours and forty minutes.

Things pick up in this film pretty quickly after the end of Dead Man’s Chest, with the whole gang suddenly in Singapore asking a piratificated Chow Yun-Fat for a ship and a crew so that they might sail to Davy Jones’ Locker to retrieve Johnny Depp‘s Jack Sparrow.  Which got me thinking – how did they get to Singapore without a ship and crew?  That place is pretty far from the Caribbean from what I understand, and starting the movie with a plot hole that big is a pretty awful way to begin a film.

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Y’arr, She Blows Read More »

Dumb but fun “Pirates”

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
  • IMDB: link

dead-mans-chest-poster-2It’s July, and the most exciting movie to have come out this summer has been The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Don’t get me wrong, I was along for the ride when it came out last month; but this is summer, and we should be bombarded with more action than the Playboy Mansion.  Where’s that movie that you can’t get yourself to leave for the restroom after drinking a gallon of Cherry Coke from the consession stand, even though you’re pretty sure it will cause some sort of internal combustion by the time the credits role?

Now it’s here, and it’s called Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. It doesn’t quite threaten audiences’ bladders like you might hope it will, but in this summer of Poseidon and X-Men: The Last Stand, it feels pretty damn good to be able to escape to the cinemas from the dead heat of summer into a decent action flick for the first time this year.

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Dumb but fun “Pirates” Read More »

Empty Chest

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
  • IMDB: link

pirates-dead-mans-chest-posterPirates of the Carribean: Dead Man’s Chest is a perfect example why sequels shouldn’t be made.  There’s nothing original here as the film gives us action scene after action scene, without any real story to hold them together. 

Nor does it help that the film steals plot, characters, scenes and more from Clash of the Titans (the Kracken, the floating coffins), King Kong (the island and its multicultural tribe, the running time), The Return of the Jedi (the Quarren, the Sarlaac, the Ewok village, the ceremonial fires and the exact scene as Han Solo tries to blow the fire out), Raiders of the Lost Ark (the tribe chasing the explorers through the jungle to the safety of the plane, the giant boulder), The Matrix Reloaded (the search for an oracle, the gathering together of forces on an adventure in the next film) and others even including American Gladiators (atlasphere)!

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A Blacksmith, a Pirate, and a Lovely Lass

/ / Home Video
  • Title: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
  • IMDB: link

pirates-curse-of-the-black-pearl-posterA movie about pirates AND it was based off a amusement park ride?  With two strikes like that against it there should be no way Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl is this good.  But it is!

Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) washed up onto a ship as a boy, rescued by Governor Wetherby Swann (Jonathan Pryce) and the royal navy.  Now Will is an assistant blacksmith who is in love with the Governer’s daughter Elizabeth (Keira Knightly), who fancies him as well, but due to social customs is unable to admit his feelings.

Into our story comes the very odd Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) a pirate without a ship whose arrival begins a series of events that leads to his imprisonment, Elizabeth’s kidnapping, and the discovery of a dark curse aboard Cap’n Jack’s former ship the Black Pearl.

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