Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

Mad Max: Fury Road

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Mad Max: Fury Road
  • IMDb: link

Mad Max: Fury RoadReturning to his creation for the first time since 1985, director George Miller‘s Mad Max: Fury Road is highly-stylized insanity that is easily one of the most visually-stunning movies of 2015 so far. More engaging than fun, Miller delivers something akin to an action art film rather than summer popcorn movie. And, despite Tom Hardy getting top billing, it’s one hell of a star vehicle for Charlize Theron who proves to any doubters out there that a woman can indeed be the lead character in a big-budget action adventure.

Taking place an indeterminate amount of time following the events of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, Max (Hardy) is captured by a cult known as the War Boys, led by the bizarre Immortan Joe (Hugh Keays-Byrne), who decide to put the wanderer to use as a universal blood donor. A series of events involving Imperator Furiosa (Theron) stealing Joe’s most precious cargo loaded up in one of the warlord’s war rigs provide the opportunity for Max’s escape and an uneasy partnership with Furiosa and Joes concubines (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Zoë Kravitz, Riley Keough, Abbey Lee, Courtney Eaton) as the small group attempts to stay alive in harsh desert with enemies in every direction and a mad man’s army chomping at their heels.

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Transformers: Age of Extinction

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Transformers: Age of Extinction
  • IMDb: link

Transformers: Age of ExtinctionI’m not a fan of Michael Bay‘s Transformers movies. In fact I’ve hated every single one. Transformers: Age of Extinction is not an exception, but on the sliding scale of horrific awfulness that is the Bay Transformers franchise it’s the least objectionable of the lot. Lazy, inane, and almost completely without merit, the latest Transformers film didn’t so much anger me as leave me increasingly confused and apathetic to the “storytelling” that was unfolding before my eyes.

The first film ruined a beloved childhood toy and cartoon franchise by centering the film not on the transforming robots themselves but a lazy 80s teenage sex comedy between Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox and lots of (pointless) robot porn. The sequel lowered the bar with a plot that makes Highlander 2: The Quickening sound plausible involving Transformer reincarnation and various inanity including a sexbot, racist robots, more American flag waving, and even more (pointless) robot porn.

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Transformers 3 brought to you by Michael Bay and Lenovo

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Transformers: Dark of the Moon
  • IMDB: link

transformers-dark-of-the-moon-posterIt’s official, Michael Bay can now be legitimately named the serial rapist of my childhood. Three Transformers movies and the man still doesn’t know what the hell a robot is (let alone a Transformer). Short version: Despite showing a momentary early glimmer of promise of not totally sucking, the film wastes what little it had going for it by making a series of mistakes and beating you down with a level of stupidity it’s hard to believe was done on purpose. For the first, but certainly not the last, time in this review, let me just say: Fuck you Michael Bay.

What works? The special effects are well done. The 3D isn’t Avatar level but is still impressive. Everything else? Hold on to your seats boys and girls this is going to get messy. Spoilers be damned, I’ve got a hellova lot to talk about. You’ve been warned!

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