Movie Reviews

Rock Me Sexy Jesus

  • Title: Hamlet 2
  • IMDB: link

“It was stupid, but it was also theater.”

A rather strange high school teacher puts together a musical sequel to Shaekespeare’s play which involves sex, profanity, a time machine, and Jesus Christ.  Say what you want about the film, and there are many valid criticisms you can make, but this original little gem, even when it goes off-course, is rather enjoyable.

Dana Marschz (Steve Coogan) is a former actor turned high school drama teacher in Tuscon, Arizona (which the movie reminds repeatedly is the worst place on Earth).

Dana’s simple life is complicated when his class of two (Phoebe Strole, Skylar Astin) is increased by other art and computer classes being shutdown, followed by the news that the Drama department is the next to get the axe, leaving Dana unemployed.

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A Convict’s Wet Dream

  • Death Race
  • IMDb: link

“So do what you do best.  Drive.”

Hitting the theaters in the ass-end of summer (not good for an action flick) comes Death Race.  I’m not sure what Joan Allen is doing here, or even Jason Statham, but there’s little that justifies the remake of the Harvey Corman film or yet another tale about convicts killing each other for the camera.  But at least it’s better than The Condemned (read that review).

The economy of the United States has collapsed.  In this near future (roughly four years from today) prisons are run by cooperations, for a profit.  Though what type of cooperation would go for this is never explained (gee, I wonder why Budweiser wouldn’t want to be marketed in the film?).

Unemployment is out an all-time high and the most watched program on the air is a pay-per-view Internet program which involves prisoners fighting for their lives.  Hmm… haven’t we seen something like this before, once, twice, three times, or more?

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The Clone Wars

  • Title: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
  • IMDB: link

“You’ve got spunk… I hate spunk!”
—Lou Grant, The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Taking place between Episode II: Attack of the Clones (read the review) and Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (read the review) this new animated film follows Generals Obi-Wan Kenobi (James Arnold Taylor) and Anakin Skywalker (Matt Lanter) in their continuing battle to put down the resistance of the Separatists and their near-endless supply of droid armies.

When Jabba the Hutt’s (Kevin Michael Richardson) son is taken hostage Anakin, along with his spunky new tweenage padawan Ahsoka Tano (Ashley Eckstein), is sent to retrieve the young Huttling from Count Dooku’s Dark Jedi assassin Asaji Ventress (Nika Futterman).  Control of Hutt space in the Outer Rim could be a deciding factor in the war and the Republic can not afford the Jedi to fail.

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Blatant Christian Message in ‘Here’

  • Title: Henry Poole is Here
  • IMDB: link

Henry Poole Is Here has a lot of things going for it; but unfortunately, most of the things the film does well are outweighed by a religious message that doesn’t restrict itself.  Those who don’t question Christianity won’t have a problem with it, but anyone with different beliefs will feel ignored.

The film begins with the depressed main character Henry Poole (Luke Wilson) moving into a new neighborhood for reasons not revealed until later in the film.  All we know is that Henry keeps on saying he doesn’t plan on living in the house for very long.  As he gets moved in, his days are lazily comprised of sitting in various corners around his house and yard, as he eats frozen pizza, doughnuts, and pours down vodka like it’s water down the sink.

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Tropic Thunder

  • Title: Tropic Thunder
  • IMDB: link

“I don’t read the script.  The script reads me.”

In an attempt to teach their spoiled stars a lesson the director (Steve Coogan) and author (Nick Nolte) of the new war film send the actors into the jungle where they encounter real danger and are forced to fight for their lives.

The platoon is led by action star Tugg Speedman (Ben Stiller) whose career is on a downhill spiral.  His choices for roles outside his chosen genre (with his insane amount of sequels), such as a mentally-impaired farm hand called Simple Jack, have earned him scorn and tanked at the box office.

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