1.5 Razors

Transformers: Age of Extinction

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Transformers: Age of Extinction
  • IMDb: link

Transformers: Age of ExtinctionI’m not a fan of Michael Bay‘s Transformers movies. In fact I’ve hated every single one. Transformers: Age of Extinction is not an exception, but on the sliding scale of horrific awfulness that is the Bay Transformers franchise it’s the least objectionable of the lot. Lazy, inane, and almost completely without merit, the latest Transformers film didn’t so much anger me as leave me increasingly confused and apathetic to the “storytelling” that was unfolding before my eyes.

The first film ruined a beloved childhood toy and cartoon franchise by centering the film not on the transforming robots themselves but a lazy 80s teenage sex comedy between Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox and lots of (pointless) robot porn. The sequel lowered the bar with a plot that makes Highlander 2: The Quickening sound plausible involving Transformer reincarnation and various inanity including a sexbot, racist robots, more American flag waving, and even more (pointless) robot porn.

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The Nut Job

/ / Home Video
  • Title: The Nut Job
  • IMDB: link

The Nut JobCentered around a selfish squirrel named Surly (Will Arnett) and his mute rat pal Buddy who are exiled from their home in Liberty Park after the squirrel’s latest act of selfishness costs the rest of the animals the much-need food for the winter, The Nut Job is a mess that tries to do far too much (most of it not all that well). There’s a nice message buried deep, deep, deep down, but I’m betting most will lose interest before discovering it.

Set against a human bank robbery, the exiled Surly works with a pair of squirrels, the honest Andie (Katherine Heigl) and the the ridiculous park “hero” Grayson (Brendan Fraser), to make the biggest score of his life by robbing a Nut Store at the same time. Complicating things are the fact that nobody, other than perhaps Andie, is at all likable in the film and the fact that the real villain isn’t the selfish Surly but the power-mad Raccoon (Liam Neeson) running the park who decides to thwart the plan realizing his control may falter if the animals are all happy and fed.

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The Flash Annual #3

/ / Comics

The Flash Annual #3The Flash Annual #3 is confusing on a number of levels as the new creative team cement their storyline of a future version of Barry Allen deciding to return to the past and set things right. Introducing us to Wallace “Wally” R. West for the first time its obvious the character has gone through the same New 52 filter that continues to adversely effect several of DC’s once-great heroes.

While I’m fine with DC deciding to change Wally’s ethnicity from Caucasian to African-American, it does create problems for Iris West as even in this issue’s artists Brett Booth and Ron Frenz have trouble deciding just how to draw and shade her color her character consistently. I honestly couldn’t tell you at this point whether Iris is white, black, or green.

Far more troubling is that Wally has gone through the same dickish redesign the makes the New 52 Billy Batson an insufferable prick. This version of the character’s defining attribute seems to be that he’s a street punk in need of a white big brother to set him straight. Jeez.

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I Feel No Need, No Need for Speed

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Need for Speed
  • IMDB: link

“This ain’t just about racing.”

Need for SpeedNeed for Speed is no Cannonball Run II. You could even argue it’s no Speed Zone (which replaced Burt Reynolds and company with SCTV vets John Candy, Eugene Levy, and Joe Flaherty along with a host of lesser-known stars for a forgettable third Cannonball Run film). Loosely based on the popular video game franchise, Need for Speed stars Aaron Paul as kick-ass small-time racer and mechanic Tobey Marshall whose rivalry with his old girlfriend’s (Dakota Johnson) new boyfriend (Dominic Cooper) ends with him serving two years in prison for a crime he didn’t commit.

Recently released, and with the help of his friends (Scott Mescudi, Rami Malek, Ramon Rodriguez) and a new love interest (Imogen Poots) providing a top-grade car, Tobey will try to settle the score on the road by breaking parole (and dozens of traffic laws) to earn a spot in a super-secret race on the West Coast held annually by a reclusive millionaire (Michael Keaton). To get there, however, he and Julia (Poots) will have to survive the trip across country after his rival posts a bounty to make sure Tobey never makes it to the starting line.

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3 Days to Kill

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: 3 Days to Kill
  • IMDB: link

3 Days to KillIt would be easy to simply call 3 Days to Kill as a bad movie and move on, and I certainly wouldn’t blame anyone one for doing so. The inconsistent thriller concerning the final mission of dying spy Ethan Renner (Kevin Costner) dealing with apartment full of an extended family of squatters, reconnecting with his estranged wife (Connie Nielsen) and daughter (Hailee Steinfeld), and working for a sexy spy (Amber Heard), immediately after promising his wife he was done with the the agency, to find and kill a target known only as The Wolf (Richard Sammel), is one hell of a B-movie mess.

Costner, who has had some notable voice issues earlier this year causing him to pull out of planned appearances, could give Christian Bale‘s gruff Batman voice a run for its money with his gravel monotone performance here. Despite making assurances he’s given up the life, and without explaining to his wife and daughter how killing dozens of people where they live in Paris might come back to haunt them, Renner agrees to slowly kill his way to The Wolf and his top lieutenant The Albino (Tómas Lemarquis).

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