1.5 Razors

The Internship

  • Title: The Internship
  • IMDB: link

The InternshipThere should be a law against two-hour comedies as its extremely difficult to keep one continually afloat for such an extended period of time, especially given such a simple, one might even argue flimsy, premise. It’s not surprising that only half of The Internship works, but it is odd that the second-half is much better than the first. However, given that waterboarding would be a preferable form of torture to The Internship‘s first 45-minutes, anything would be an improvement.

Despite an underutilized charming cast, the script by Vince Vaughn and Jared Stern reeks of desperation. Not only are our two leads desperate for jobs, but everyone in the film from the group’s lame mentor (Josh Brener, who can’t seem to utter a sentence without throwing in the word “zizzle” for all his homies) to the perfunctory mean kid (Max Minghella) all act out of a sense of desperation that’s nearly always far too pathetic to be funny. Throw in enough half-hearted and rushed jokes to get you booed off the stage at an open mike night, and you’ve got the makings for one of the lamest comedies of the year.

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Star Trek: Episode II – Wrath of the Raiders Into Darkness

  • Title: Star Trek Into Darkness
  • IMDB: link

Star Trek Into DarknessThe follow-up to director J.J. Abrams2009 relaunching of the Star Trek franchise is a mostly disappointing affair that cribs heavily off other films, including one of the franchise’s own, in an attempt to offer a sophomoric version of what is generally considered the best of the original franchise. It’s nearly impossible to discuss the film in any length, or its myriad of problems, without giving away a few of its secrets. So after a few broad points about Star Trek Into Darkness you’ll forgive me I move dangerously into spoiler territory.

One of the real disappointments with the first film was the numerous logic holes that plagued the story. This film has to build on that shaky foundation while introducing a host of new questionable story elements. You have to look no further than the movie’s opening sequence which involves the U.S.S. Enterprise hiding underwater on a planet where the natives have no knowledge of extraterrestrial life while performing a mission whose sole purpose seems to be to get Kirk in hot water with Starfleet Command (and give us an incredibly unsubtle nod to Raiders of the Lost Ark in the process).

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The Dull Gatsby

  • Title: The Great Gatsby
  • IMDB: link

The Great GatsbyIt took five years after the disaster which was Australia for writer/director Baz Luhrmann to be allowed to make a feature film again. Sadly, it was this film. I kid, but the sad truth is Australia was an amazingly bad trainwreck that deserved every bit of scorn it earned from critics and audiences alike. Even sadder is the fact that Australia might actually be a better film than the writer/director’s current adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel which takes literary classic and grinds it down into dime store romance novel full of the director’s trademark spectacle, garish production design, and style (complete with inappropriate time-period music), resulting in dreadful boring film.

The Great Gatsby isn’t horrifically bad. It’s not the kind of truly wretched film that would rise my ire and pitchfork for a march on the director’s metaphorical castle. Almost as troubling, Luhrmann’s version of The Great Gatsby is an emotionally stunted and empty experience that often tells us, but never shows us, why we should care for these characters or the tragic events in which they find themselves trapped.

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The Numbers Station

  • Title: The Numbers Station
  • IMDB: link

The Numbers StationDirected by Kasper Barfoed, The Numbers Station looks and feels every bit the low-budget thriller that it is. Set almost entirely in an underground bunker, the thriller somehow finds a way to make the setting feel empty and endless rather than claustrophobic. Mixed with what appears to be an extremely low budget and a circumspect screenplay that can’t find a way to make the idea of numbers stations exciting in 2013, The Numbers Station is the kind of straight-to-DVD B-movie that fizzles more than it entertains.

Our protagonist is Emerson (John Cusack), a government assassin with an acute case of conscience sent to Suffolk, England, after failing to murder a young woman (Hannah Murray) who was witness to his latest kill. Emerson’s new assignment is to protect Katherine (Malin Akerman), a cryptographer at a small numbers station used to relay encrypted codes across Western Europe. Haunted by his failure, and the death of the witness, Emerson tries to put the situation behind him, at least until the facility comes under attack by an organized group of terrorists.

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WWE Superstar is one of Canada’s fiercest Bounty Hunters

  • Title: Bounty Hunters
  • IMDB: link

bounty-hunters-dvdOriginally entitled Bail Enforcers, the low budget Canadian action film stars former WWE wrestler Trish Stratus as Jules, a bounty hunter who works part-time at a strip club (I swear I’m not making this up). We meet Jules dressed in a school girl costume in the middle of a Mexican stand-off as the movie opens.

Things go downhill from there as we flashback to the events that led Jules, her partner (Boomer Phillips), and her boss (Frank J. Zupancic) to let one bounty (Rodrigo Fernandez-Stoll) go free in order to stare down a gangster (Joe Rafla) who offers the team $1,000,000 to buy the group’s latest prisoner, a mob informant (Enrico DiFede) with a $100,000 bounty on his head.

The film’s story hinges on a dilemma that isn’t really even made as the group has a falling out during the hand-off and spends most of the movie trying to figure out what to do after pissing off a mobster with psychotic killers (Andrea James LuiChristian BakoRichard Ha) in his employ.

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