1.5 Razors

Assassin’s Bullet

/ / Home Video
  • Title: Assassin’s Bullet
  • IMDB: link

assassins-bullet-blu-rayAssassin’s Bullet is a dumb B-movie action flick starring Christian Slater as former FBI Agent Robert Diggs now assigned to the American Embassy in Bulgaria four years after the death of his wife. When a dormant assassin returns and starts killing several high-priority terrorists from America’s Most Wanted list Diggs is chosen to head up the investigation by the US Ambassador (Donald Sutherland).

Filled with far too many coincidences and awful ideas (like a multiple personality storyline that has Elika Portnoy playing three roles that, despite looking nearly identical, no one can tell apart) the script by Nancy L. Babine, Hans Feuersinger, and Elika Portnoy is a ridiculous mash-up of bad soap opera and forgettable action movie cliches.

Slater, Sutherland and Timothy Spall are all slumming it here. Available on both DVD and Blu-ray, extras include a short behind-the-scenes featurette (that does nothing to make the story more bearable or believable) and the film’s trailer.

[Xlrator, Blu-ray $26.99 / DVD $20.99]

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Hit & Run

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Hit & Run
  • IMDB: link

hit-and-run-posterWritten, co-directed, and starring Dax Shepard Hit & Run is, simply put, a mess of a film likely to remind viewers of similar recent train wrecks such as Smokin’ Aces and Catch .44. Shepard stars as Charlie Bronson, a getaway driver from Los Angeles now living in the middle of nowhere in the Witness Protection Program. When his girlfriend Annie (Kristen Bell) gets an interview for her dream job in Los Angeles, Charlie throws caution to the wind and decides to go with her.

Their road to L.A. is complicated by Annie’s stalker ex-boyfriend Gil (Michael Rosenbaum) intent on proving Charlie is nothing but a crook, Charlie’s ridiculous United States Marshal (Tom Arnold) in charge of his safety, and the even more ridiculous Alex Dimitri (Bradley Cooper) the man who Charlie testified against and is still looking for revenge. Gil, knowing Charlie’s secret, contacts Dimitri in a last-ditch attempt to win back Annie by getting her current boyfriend killed. Yeah… that’s the kind of logic central to ever single plot point in Hit & Run.

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Totally Redundant

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Total Recall (2012)
  • IMDB: link

total-recall-2012-posterA little more than 20 years after Arnold Schwarzenegger and director Paul Verhoeven worked together to give us a theatrical adaptation of Philip K. Dick‘s short story “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale” Sony Pictures decided to tap Underworld director Len Wiseman for a remake. For fans who remember the original Total Recall, this dumbed-down remake will feel unnecessary and bereft of even a hint of intelligence in front, or behind, the camera.

Gone are the dreams of Mars and mutant rebellion. In their place screenwriters Kurt Wimmer and Mark Bomback give us a dystopian future where the Earth has become largely uninhabitable with the exception of parts of Britain and Australia. Australia, now referred to simply as “The Colony” is the condensed living quarters of all the worlds’ working stiffs including assembly line worker Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell). One of the only bright spots in the film is the imaginative set design that works in futuristic and ancient Asian styles into the creation of The Colony.

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Cat Run

/ / Home Video
  • Title: Cat Run
  • IMDB: link

cat-run-dvdWith Cat Run director John Stockwell and screenwriters Nick Ball and John Niven deliver a derivative action flick that wants so hard to be cool it’s almost embarrassing. Mixing a healthy dose of nudity with brutal stylized violence (including torture scenes with a cigar cutter and dental drill), a plot that doesn’t make all that much sense, and intentionally bizarre characters (such as D.L. Hughley as a one-armed, no legged, office worker) Cat Run is one mess of a film.

Our story takes place in Eastern Europe where genius introvert (Scott Mechlowicz) turned failed chef and his childhood best friend (Alphonso McAuley) decide (for no apparent reason) to start a low rent detective agency above a porno theater in Montenegro. Their first client is a prostitute named Cat (Paz Vega) who stole their car and phone and is the sole remaining witness to a series of brutal murders. Well, client is a rather strong word as no one actually hired these likable but ridiculous pair to find anyone.

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Red Hood and the Outlaws #11

/ / Comics

red-hood-and-the-outlaws-11-coverThe team’s outer space adventure continues as Starfire shares with Arsenal and the Red Hood her conflicted feelings for saving a people who sentenced her to a lifetime of slavery. A little more of Kori’s backstory is filled in here along with Starfire’s complicated relationship with her sister (which looks to have big implications for next month’s issue).

There’s really nothing all that interesting about watching these three characters walk around a spaceship and have awkward conversations with one another. Arsenal and Starfire share one nice moment (and it seems apparent that writer Scott Lobdell has decided to put some distance between Jason and Kori, at least for the time being), but Jason’s awkward date problems and the aftermath of a battle we aren’t shown aren’t enough to sell me on this issue.

We also get the continuation of the back-up story featuring Essence hunting down the Untitled (which can’t finish quickly enough for me). Pass.

[DC, $2.99]

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