1.5 Razors

Gotham City Sirens #1

Gotham City Sirens #1

Gotham City Sirens #1 is a confusing way to kick off an issue. More than once I went back to the cover to make sure I was actually reading the first issue of a new comic as we seem thrown haphazardly into a series of events writer Leah Williams assumes we’ll understand. We get the hunting of White Rabbit (but not Jaina Hudson who Catwoman catches up to later) by a group of rodeo enthusiasts. Why any of this is happening, why Catwoman went looking for her, or how any of this fits into other events of the issues is (like everything else) clear as mud.

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What Happens in Miami (Should Stay in Miami)

  • Title: What Happens in Miami
  • IMDb: link

What Happens in Miami

What Happens in Miami is a lackluster thriller focused on a group of friends Ashlei Sharpe Chestnut, Annalisa Cochrane, Rachel Leyco, and Jada Elena Wooten one of whom (Cochrane) goes missing while on spring break. The focus on the film isn’t about the loss of their friend, what happened to her, emotional drama or fallout but instead the girls being afraid of the police who for some unknown reason believe they are better suspects than the missing girl’s drug dealer boyfriend (Christopher Collins) who was with her when she went missing.

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Rush Hour 3

  • Title: Rush Hour 3
  • IMDb: link

Rush Hour 3

To date the last of the Rush Hour films, Rush Hour 3 is the weakest (by far). Every aspect of the film feels tired, pulling lesser versions of villains from both the first two films, and throwing Lee (Jackie Chan) and Carter (Chris Tucker) together ending up in Paris. We get the the abduction of Soo Yung (Jingchu Zhang) like in the first film, the evil philanthropist (Max Von Sydow) in plain sight like the first film, a villain (Hiroyuki Sanada) tied to Lee’s past like in the second film, and bigger stunts, goofy sequences (including Carter’s groanworthy fight sequence in a dojo and the molestation by French cops) and exotic locales in an attempt to hide the script’s many, many problems.

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Upgraded

  • Title: Upgraded
  • IMDb: link

Upgraded

Upgraded is one of those films that makes you pity those involved in the production who will have to wear the stain of being a part of the film on the career resume like a scarlet letter until the end of time. The braindead romcom (apparently unaware its stealing random characters directly from Cinderella) offers almost no examples of a normally-functioning human being on-screen. If this is what it feels like to be upgraded, leave me in coach.

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Dante’s Hotel

  • Title: Dante’s Hotel
  • IMDb: link

Dante's Hotel

Dante’s Hotel is one hell of a dumb horror movie about Father Time (a looming figuring in a Spirit Halloween Grim Reaper costume) taking 12 souls every 12 years from a downtown hotel on New Year’s Eve without any trace of bodies and always leaving the same survivor (Judd Nelson) for police to question. New Year’s Eve comes again with recovering alcoholic Goldie (AnnaLynne McCord) being the hostess for a party from which the malevolent spirit will choose a dozen new victims.

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