1.5 Razors

The Final Destination

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  • Title: The Final Destination
  • IMDb: link

The fourth installment to the franchise is hardly distinguishable from the fifth (which would put the franchise on hiatus for more than a decade). Offering no standout performances or all that memorable deaths, The Final Destination is just plain bad. Our big event, which a handful of characters avoid, is a car crash at a racecourse filmed in ways mostly to make the debris shoot out towards the audience in 3D. The utterly bland Nick (Bobby Campo) is responsible for saving a few of his friends and some strangers before the carnage takes everyone else. Then Death begins targeting the survivors (Nick Zano, Shantel VanSanten, Haley Webb, Justin Welborn, Mykelti Williamson, and Krista Allen) one by one.

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Canary Black

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  • Title: Canary Black
  • IMDb: link

Even for a throwaway action flick, Canary Black stretches any attempt at credibility. Our plot involves Kate Beckinsale as super-spy Avery Graves whose husband (Rupert Friend) is kidnapped. Avery is then blackmailed into stealing a file so secret not even the President of the United States knows what it is. Knowledge isn’t a problem for our baddie (Goran Kostić), however, who apparently knows everything about everyone including having access to all kinds of CIA classified records such as Avery’s psych profile.

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Venom: The Last Dance

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Venom: The Last Dance
  • IMDb: link

Venom: The Last Dance

The third, and apparently final, Venom movie is, like the first two movies in the franchise, a bit of a mess. I’m not the biggest fan of either Venom or Venom: Let There Be Carnage, but Venom: The Last Dance is definitely the least of the three movies. While the film presents some enjoyable moments, such as Venom taking over a horse and fish, and the interactions between Venom and Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy), the story doesn’t make a lick of sense.

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Van Helsing

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  • Title: Van Helsing
  • IMDb: link

Van Helsing

Spooky Saturday takes a look back at a film that was decidedly not. Tom Cruise‘s The Mummy wasn’t the only film to kill a revival of Universal Pictures’ monsters before it ever got started. 13 years earlier that honor went to Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, and Van Helsing. While a financial success, the negative response to the film killed any similar future projects for more than a decade.

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Chapel

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  • Title: Chapel
  • IMDb: link

Chapel

Opening with a murder during a marriage ceremony that didn’t even happen, Chapel is a failed attempt at a psychological thriller. After waking up from a five-month coma with no memory of who he is, “Cohen” (Jeremy Sumpter) begins a relationship with his nurse Sofia (Pardis Saremi) building a new life together (apparently built entirely on sex) but is haunted by flashes from his previous life while fighting his psychiatrist’s (Melinda Yeaman) attempts to help him remember.

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