2 Razors

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
  • IMDb: link

Not every book deserves to be made into a multi-million dollar movie. Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief attempts to mix Greek mythology with the modern day problems of teens into an epic adventure. The results are mixed.

Shortly after learning his son had be diagnosed with both Dyslexia and ADHD, Rick Riordan created a series of bedtime stories which would eventually become the Percy Jackson & the Olympians young adult novel series.

At times the story is all adventure, at others however it devolves into a pseudo-pop-psychology self-help manual with all the subtlety of a sledge hammer. Our hero, young Percy Jackson (played here by Logan Lerman) suffers from the same ailments as Riordan’s son, as well as some serious daddy abandonment issues, but turns each of these into a strength over the course of the film.

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The Book of Eli

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: The Book of Eli
  • IMDB: link

Stop me if you’ve heard this before. In a post-apocalyptic wasteland a wanderer (Denzel Washington) travels across a ruined landscape avoiding robbers, thieves, and cannibals.

He carries with him something important and valuable which the intelligent but mean-spirited head of a small town (Gary Oldman) will kill to possess.

This is The Book of Eli, and no one will ever accuse it of having a single original idea.

Part western, part post-apocalyptic thriller, and part psuedo-religious mess, the Hughes brothers (the guys who also screwed up From Hell) deliver a trainwreck of a film about one man’s quest to deliver the last bible in existence to the West Coast and the many, many men he kills who get in his way.

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Ninja Assassin

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Ninja Assassin
  • IMDB: link

At a time when Hollywood seems dead set on giving movies bloodless one and two-word titles that don’t give you a clue as to what the movie is about comes a film called Ninja Assassin. It’s about ninjas who kill people. Finally, a little truth in advertising.

For more than 1,000 years, nine ninja clans have been stealing orphan children under the age of 10 and training them in the art of assassination. For centuries, these clans have sold their services to wealthy individuals, companies, and governments for the cost of 100 lbs. of gold.

When a Europol researcher (Naomie Harris) uncovers their secret, she puts herself and her supervisor (Ben Miles) in danger. This also causes an outcast of the Ozunu Clan named Raizo (Rain) to come to her aid. With her help, Raizo plans to take down the clans and settle a personal grudge with his former master (Sho Kosugi).

Over the course of the film, we learn more about Raizo’s past, his training, his reason for leaving the clan, and the driving force behind his battle to destroy them.

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End of Days – Armageddon: The Day After 2012

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: 2012
  • IMDb: link

I didn’t expect much from director Roland Emmerich’s latest disaster flick other than a little dumb fun. 2012 couldn’t even deliver that.

What follows is a short, and hopefully concise, review for a long, and depressingly boring, film (158-minute running time) that is almost as much fun as spending three hours alone in a doctor’s waiting room.

Maybe it was asking too much of Emmerich to give us another big disaster flick (after all, it’s not like 10,000 B.C. did anyone any favors). The man who gave us Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, and that woeful Godzilla remake, it seems, has nothing new to share. Instead he brings back the same tired storylines, with new actors and larger special effects, in hopes that this alone will be enough to satisfy.

It’s not.

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Fame is Fleeting

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Fame (2009)
  • IMDB: link

fame-2009-posterFame is fleeting and, by itself, unsatisfying. So what are we to conclude about a group of kids chasing a dream, not of being a great singer, dancer, or musician, but only trying to grab the spotlight for themselves?

Fame, the remake of the 1980 film, gives us a variety of characters from the meek Penny (Kay Panabaker) to the angry Malik (Collins Pennie), but in none of them do we find anyone to root for.

Sometimes it was all I could do try and remember what particular talent got each kid into the school; there are simply too many characters. More than once I actually forgot someone was even in the film as they disappeared for long stretches.

The film condenses the journey of a class of students from the New York City High School of Performing Arts from auditions through graduation. That’s more than four years boiled down into less than two hours. The film bites off more than it can chew.

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