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Fast Five

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Fast Five
  • IMDB: link

fast-five-posterThere’s insane and then there’s INSANE. Every time I thought the latest edition of The Fast and the Furious franchise had hit the limits of insanity they proved me wrong and found new ways to defy logic, common sense, and basic laws of nature. There’s a scene in last summer big-budget version of The A-Team where the team attempts to fly a tank that is falling through the air. The last twenty-minutes or so of Fast Five feel a lot like that.

With the exception of Michelle Rodriguez (whose character was killed off in the last installment), Fast Five brings together all the major characters of each of the films and picks up right where Fast & Furious left off with springing Turetto (Vin Diesel) from a prison bus.

Fast Five also gives us a new lawman. After the team is framed from the murder of two Federal Agents (because hunting them down for crimes they actually committed would be silly) the US Government sends the best to bring them in – Dwayne “Now that I’m back in the WWE you can call me The Rock again” Johnson.

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Battle: Los Angeles

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Battle: Los Angeles
  • IMDB: link

battle-los-angeles-posterIt’s a good thing I wasn’t expecting much going into this movie because it offers the bare minimum for a uber-patriotic action flick without supplying a single original idea, moment, or story element.

Battle: Los Angeles is little more than an excuse to cash in on critical and box office successes such as District 9 and Avatar. And you don’t have to look very hard to see where it “borrowed” most of its plot. Think of it as Independence Day meets Cloverfield meets a Marine recruitment film (with slightly better special effects).

The film opens by introducing us to all the major players of the unit who will be thrust into battle during an alien invasion of Los Angeles. Staff Sgt. Michael Nantz (Aaron Eckhart) is the war-weary veteran with one foot out the door, Ramon Rodriguez is the fresh-faced Lieutenant straight out of the academy, Noel Fisher is the goofy wet-behind-the-ears Private, and so on. If you think these characters sound familiar, you’re right.

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The Green Hornet for Dummies

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: The Green Hornet
  • IMDB: link

Director Michel Gondry and star/co-writer Seth Rogen set out to do their version of the Green Hornet. They’ve succeeded. This is unlike any Green Hornet I’ve seen, and probably as far removed from my idea of who these characters are as could be done and still title the film The Green Hornet. In fact, the main character is so unrecognizable you have to wonder why even use the Green Hornet characters instead of simply making an original film.

The Green Hornet debuted on radio in the 1930’s alongside other popular programs such as The Lone Ranger and The Shadow. Since then the character has bounced around comics, low budget movie serials, and, most notably, the 60’s television show starring Van Williams and Bruce Lee.

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Tangled

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Tangled
  • IMDB: link

During it’s heyday, Disney made a name for itself by turning out classic tales about princes and princesses, true love, and triumph over evil (usually with a few songs and cute creatures thrown in). With the studio’s 50th animated film, Disney goes back to the well with Tangled, based on the fairy tale Rapunzel by the Brothers Grimm.

To save the life of their unborn daughter, the King and Queen steal a magical flower from the evil witch Mother Gothel (Donna Murphy). As revenge, the witch kidnaps the young baby whose hair had captured the healing powers of the flower which has kept Gothel alive for years. Her hair holds the power as long as it allowed to grow.

As the story opens, Rapunzel (Mandy Moore) who has grown up in a secluded tower her whole life believing the old witch to be her mother, convinces a young thief, Flynn Ryder (Zachary Levi), who breaks into her tower while fleeing the palace guards, to help her sneak out and see the world on her birthday.

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Faster

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Faster
  • IMDB: link

After spending 10 years in prison for his part in an armed robbery a man who is only ever referred to as “Driver” or “Ghost” (Dwayne “Stop Calling Me The Rock” Johnson) walks out of the big house and immediately begins to hunt down the men (including Courtney Gains, John Cirigliano, Lester Speight) who robbed his crew and killed his brother (Matt Gerald).

 

If you’ve seen the trailer for Faster you might assume that’s the entire story. It’s not. Not satisfied with simply delivering a good ol’ revenge tale filled with an ever increasing body count, screenwriters Tony Gayton and Joe Gayton give us not one but two more stories.

The first involves a burned-out detective (Billy Bob Thornton) who is days away from retirement, has a nasty drug habit and an estranged wife (Moon Bloodgood) and son (Aedin Mincks), and who is assigned to the case – much the dismay of the lead detective Carla Gugino. Most of this plotline deals with chasing down “Driver,” but we also get several unrelated scenes of the cop’s screwed-up life.

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