Maggie Q

Top 10 Badass Olympic-Style Moments

Okay, this list began as a list of Olympic movies for obvious timely reasons, but due to the fact that would make for a very lame list, I broadened the topic. Instead, I’m focusing on training moments, montages, competition, pommel horses that appear magically in the middle of a chase, and a double dose of Dolph Lundgren. Let’s just say this list ended up being quite different, and a lot more fun, than I originally thought it would be. Let the badassery begin!

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Priest

  • Title: Priest
  • IMDB: link

priest-blurayIn the dystopian future ruled by the Church most of the world is a wasteland after centuries of battle between humans and vampires. The film opens with the last of these battles as the Church’s best warriors, known simply as Priests, set out to destroy the last hive of vampires. They are victorious, but only at the cost of losing one of their own (Karl Urban).

The film skips an undetermined amount of time into the future when the Priests have been disbanded and all vampires are believed dead. An attack on his brother’s home on the edge of the wasteland sends one Priest (Paul Bettany), against the Church’s orders on a hunt to rescue his niece (Lily Collins).

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Deception

  • Title: Deception
  • IMDB: link

“Not lies Jonathan.  That was foreplay; now you’re fucked!”

deception-poster

Jonathan McQuarry (Ewan McGregor) is an accountant.  Like all accountants in movies his life has no purpose outside his job, which involves auditing the books of large corporations.

At work one day Jonathan bumps into Wyatt Bose (Hugh Jackman) who strikes up a friendship with our guy.  Through an “accident” Jonathan finds himself lost in Wyatt’s world of an underground sex club known simply as The List.  He has anonymous sexual encounters with many women before falling for a one of the girls (Michelle Williams) who he once saw on the subway.

Here’s where things get dicey.  Wyatt, whose name isn’t Wyatt, kidnaps the young woman and forces Jonathan to steal money from the next company he is scheduled to audit.

The movie’s plot relies on coincidence and unlikely twists.  For Wyatt’s scam to work he has to be seen in the company Jonathan is auditing, talking with people, and never getting noticed as an intruder.  Good thing large companies don’t have security, right?

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Balls of Fury Sure, but Where’s the Heart?

  • Title: Balls of Fury
  • IMDb: link

“Ping-pong isn’t played for trophies; it’s played in dark alleys for hard cash and ugly women.”
 

Balls of Fury

Years ago Randy Daytona (Dan Fogler) blew his chance at the 1988 Olympic Games.  Not a washed-up has-been and punchline Fogler is offered a chance by FBI Agent Ernie Rodriquez (George Lopez) to return to glory and avenge the death of his father (Robert Patrick) by entering a secret underground tournament held by the man responsible, the crime lord Feng (Christoper Walken).

The film is filled with predictable dumb and gross-out humor and cheesy cliched training scenes involving a blind ping-pong master (James Hong) and his sexy niece (Maggie Q).  And you know it’s not a comedy without a suppository joke and male sex slaves!  *Sigh*

The acting is okay, at times, and Fogler comes off as a poor man’s Jack Black.  Walken is back to his silly over-the-top performance he gives in films like these, and Maggie Q looks good in short-shorts and Aisha Tyler spends the movie in a leather dominatrix outfit.  Yes, pre-teen males are obviously the target audience here.

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Your Mission if You Choose to Accept It

  • Title: Mission: Impossible III
  • IMDB: link

mission-impossible-3-posterI wasn’t a fan of the first film, but enjoyed Mission: Impossible II for its style and big stunts (and the delectable Thandie Newton), but this film finally is what I’ve been waiting for from the franchise.  Big elaborate stunts, a comprehensible plot, a bad-ass villain, and a team of IMF agents working together doing their jobs (and not all killed off in the first ten minutes) this is the Mission: Impossible I’ve been waiting for.

Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) has given up active assignments for the IMF and now trains recruits and spends time with his fiance Julia (Michelle Monaghan) who doesn’t know what he really does for a living.  Hunt is finally happy and at peace until a friend from the IMF (Billy Crudup) contacts him and tells him his star pupil (Keri Russell) has been taken hostage.  Hunt returns to the field with his team (Ving Rhames, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, and Maggie Q) for a rescue mission.

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