One-Half Razor

1994 – On Deadly Ground

/ / Home Video
  • Title: On Deadly Ground
  • IMDB: link

On Deadly GroundReleased 20 years ago today, On Deadly Ground is a clusterfuck even grading on a curve for a Steven Seagal film. Not only does Seagal star but he also directs for the only time in his career in this bizarre tale of a mystical martial artist turned environmental activist (and some sort of official investigator?) who saves the day, I shit you not, by blowing up an oil refinery in Alaska.

Insane doesn’t come close to explain the script by Ed Horowitz and Robin U. Russin, or Seagal’s directorial choices which include a bizarre Native American vision quest, torture, mercenaries from New Orleans (like you’d recruit or an Alaskan job), and the film’s villain (Michael Caine) literally being drowned in his own wealth. And all without an once of fun, logic, or sanity.

Somehow the film has managed to stay in-print on DVD both as a single film and part of Triple Feature with two more of Segal’s lesser films (Fire Down Below and Out for Justice) which would be a pretty cruel gift to anyone other than your mortal enemy.

[Warner Home Video, $14.00 / $14.98]

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Batman Incorporated #9

/ / Comics

Batman Incorporated #9As Batman, Alfred, Nightwing, and Red Robin lay Damian Wayne to rest Grant Morrison’s craptastic Leviathan storyline continues. Talia, her overgrown clone of a son, and the Leviathan troops are in control of Wayne Enterprises and issue demands for Batman to be banned from Gotham City and all of Batman Incorporated’s operations around the world to cease immediately.

Sure I could sit here and rip apart Grant Morrission’s “plot,” such as how Leviathan could ever make good on their threats, or the near-impossibility of removing all likenesses of Batman from a city in eight hours. Or I could simply point out the writer’s usual brand of mumbo-jumbo that the writer uses in place of actual plot.

Or I might mention how ridiculous the events covered in this storyline appear when (aside from Damian’s death) are completely being ignored in EVERY OTHER BATBOOK. You’d think Gotham under siege of a terrorist organization run by Batman’s former lover might be something that would effect other Batman-related comics.

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Batman Incorporated #9Read More »

Batman Incorporated #9 Read More »

Threshold #3

/ / Comics

Threshold #3While I wasn’t looking DC Comics launched their only thinly-veiled rip-off of Marvel Comics’ Guardians of the Galaxy as part of the New 52. Now I love the Guardians (both original and newer versions), so the concept of a rag-tag DC version of space explorers told by the extremely talented Keith Giffen doesn’t sound like that bad of an idea to me (even if the comic really isn’t all that interesting or well-told). At worst it would just be another New 52 mistake I could blissfully ignore. And then this happened.

Threshold #3 introduces the beloved character of Captain Carrot, created by Roy Thomas and Scott Shaw in 1982,  to a new generation of readers. Normally something like that would get standing applause from me. However, given the character gets his own 90’s Image Comics Exteme makeover (which seems to now be a prerequisite for any and all classic DC characters) I’m far less pleased.

I love Captain Carrot. I’m also extremely fond of Rocket Raccoon. You know what I’m so pleased with? Captain Carrot redesigned as a more extreme version of Rocket Raccoon.

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Threshold #3 Read More »

Batman #16

/ / Comics

batman-new-52-16-coverAnd I’m done. Writer Scott Snyder built up an extreme amount of good will with me with his terrific run on Detective Comics before the New 52 reboot. Shifting over to Batman with the launch of New 52 he’s delivered some individually strong issues but several forgettable and some downright bad issues as well. None, however, have lowered the bar more than Batman #16.

I’ve argued often that the entire New 52 seems to have been made off the gritty and hugely popular Arkham Asylum video game. DC proves me correct in this issue where it actually becomes Arkaham Asylum as the Dark Knight enters a Joker-controlled Arkham to stop the madman’s latest plans.

The Death of the Family issues dealing directly with the Joker have only gotten worse as the months have dragged on, finally hitting rock bottom here in this NC-17 horror fetish fantasy that’s so far removed from classic Batman stories it’s nearly unrecognizable. For those who enjoy it I’m leaving it to you. Mr. Snyder thanks for the memories, but I’m getting off this particular roller coaster with this issue. Pass.

[DC, $3.99]

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Here’s a little rant about Jack & Diane

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Jack & Diane
  • IMDB: link

jack-and-diane-posterJack & Diane, sadly unrelated to John Mellencamp’s 1982 hit, is a regrettable piece of filmmaking. It’s regrettable that writer/director Bradley Rust Gray wasted four years trying to get the film made. It’s regrettable that young actresses Juno Temple and Riley Keough are wasted in thankless roles. And it’s regrettable for anyone who has to sit through what is arguably the worst film released in theaters this year.

The story centers around teenagers Diane (Temple) and Jack (Keough) who meet and share a rather tepid and unremarkable romance over the course of a summer. Gray intersperses the emotional and sexual aspects of their relationship with horror imagery meant to underlie the animalistic nature of their attraction (which we see little evidence of on-screen).

Gray’s metaphor is ill-defined and sophomoric at best. The only positive to the various scenes involving monsters, growing hair, and various pulsating internal organs is a welcome relief from the relative boredom of the rest of the movie.

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Here’s a little rant about Jack & DianeRead More »

Here’s a little rant about Jack & Diane Read More »