1.5 Razors

(They Sunk My) Battleship

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Battleship
  • IMDB: link

battleship-posterI don’t know the history behind how this movie based on a Hasbro board game got made, but I have an idea. I’m pretty sure director Peter Berg must have found himself at a Hollywood party where the alcohol was flowing freely and he stated emphatically that Michael Bay was a hack and anyone could make one of his movies. Battleship, I assume, was his attempt to prove this point.

Even for a movie based on a board game, Battleship is dumb. In fact it’s incredibly, inexcusably, mind-numbingly dumb. And for a film filled with explosions, big budget special effects, and alien attacks, the film is neither all that exciting nor enjoyable.

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Justice League #5

/ / Comics

justice-league-new-52-5-coverWow. This was just… Wow. If you could sum up the trainwreck DC’s New 52 has become in a single issue you might choose Justice League #5 as a prime example.

Writer Geoff Johns delivers more of Hal Jordan being brave but completely useless and Batman doing maybe the craziest thing the Dark Knight has ever done (and that’s saying something from a guy who trained a street kid with no scruples to become a lethal fighter and let a mentally unstable assassin for God run around in the Batsuit for the better part of a year).

Batman, in the middle of the battle takes off his cowl, exposing himself to Green Lantern, proceeds to tell Hal his life story… and then runs away.

Seroiously DC, WTF? I know Geoff Johns is capable of writing better dialogue and stories than this. However, I’m growing less and less sure that “artist” Jim Lee (and I use that term loosely) is capable of putting a panel of the Justice League together that doesn’t look completely half-assed and photoshopped. An early contender for worst comic of the year – Pass.

[DC, $3.99]

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The Most Overrated Movie of 2011

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Bridesmaids
  • IMDB: link

bridesmaids-posterBack in May a little film starring a mostly female cast and led by Kristen Wiig hit theaters and became the unexpected breakout comedic hit of the summer. Marketed to audiences as a The Hangover for women, Bridesmaids won favor not just with critics but with movie goers who stuffed theaters for months ballooning the film’s total domestic box office to almost $170 million. What follows is a dissenting opinion.

In the past, along with my Best of the Year list, I’ve occasionally done a list for the worst films I’ve been forced to sit through as a film critic over the same year. Rather than do that for 2011 I decided to take a look at films which generated discussion and praise and find the one which rankled me the most. There was one clear winner.

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Justice League #4

/ / Comics

justice-league-new-52-4-coverI’ve enjoyed the New 52 version of the Justice League, but this latest issue from writer Geoff Johns and artist Jim Lee is a complete trainwreck. For the issue that introduces Darkseid, one of DC Comics’ biggest and baddest villains, to fumble the ball this badly is simply inexcusable.

Almost everything goes wrong here as the characters speak in nothing more than clipped plot and character points, Lee’s art finds the characters in more and more ridiculous poses, and even the action shots don’t make sense from panel to panel.

The humor and character interactions that worked well in previous issues are missing (except for Green Lantern‘s comment about Batman‘s reaction to GL touching Wonder Woman‘s lasso of truth). Darkseid is imposing, but I’m not really sure we needed a centerfold of the character, and the layout of the sequence is bizarre as the League is starring at the villain emerging from a Boom Tube yet, in close-ups, the Boom Tube is to the back of every character. How is this possible? Pass.

[DC, $2.99]

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Bad Movie

/ / Home Video
  • Title: Bad Teacher
  • IMDB: link

bad-teacher-dvdI like Cameron Diaz. I enjoyed Bad Santa. Hell, I even like Summer School. However, I don’t like all those ingredients thrown into a blender with the barest attempt at originality and the lack of any real laughs.

If you take Billy Bob Thornton‘s character from Bad Santa and put him into Mark Harmon‘s role from Summer School, then make him an aging blonde hottie obsessed with getting a boob job and tricking some rich dullard into marriage you have the script for Bad Teacher, not just the premise mind you, the entire script.

Writers Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg (the comedic geniuses who are responsible for Year One) waste another talented cast by phoning in yet another suprisingly unfunny comedy. If you know how these guys continue to get work please let me know. (I’m guessing that must have some incriminating pictures of several studio heads.)

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