1.5 Razors

(Hopefully) The Last Airbender

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: The Last Airbender
  • IMDb: link

For his latest disaster movie writer/director M. Night Shyamalan adapts the Nickelodeon animated series Avatar: The Last Airbender. Remember when he gave us great films (Sixth Sense, Unbreakable) filled with tension, plots which sucked you in, strong characters, and great performances? Don’t expect any of those things here.

Although it boasts its share of unintentionally funny moments, The Last Airbender isn’t even bad in a fun way. It’s tedious, head-scratching, amateurish, poorly conceived and even less ably enacted on screen. This concept, and its combination of martial arts, philosophy, and fantasy, might work in 20 minute animated segments but it doesn’t translate well to a live-action feature-length film.

The story involves four nations each based off of one the four elements (easily color coded for the slower viewers). Some of each tribe have the ability to control, or bend, the element of their tribe. How rare a gift, and how easy an ability it is to use, varies wildly throughout the film.

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(Hopefully) The Last Airbender Read More »

Amazing Spider-Man #634

/ / Comics

amazing-spider-man-634-coverWar between tribes? *Sigh* The “Grim Hunt” conclusion of The Gauntlet begins here, and for the life of me I can’t get Knightfall out of my head. And not in a good way. Here we have villains I couldn’t give two shits about (Ana, Alyosha, and Sasha Kravinoff) sending waves of former big name baddies after our hero to weaken him until they step in for the kill. Sound familiar? Throw in some fuzzy mysticism and human sacrifice and I’m groaning my way through a comic best forgotten.

Although I’ve liked individual stories in The Gauntlet, the story behind the scenes, which comes to the forefront here, has done more to weary me than our hero. Why am I supposed to care about forgotten Spider-Women, Madame Web (a character I’ve never liked), Ezekiel, Kaine, or Kraven’s wacky family? Hopefully Marvel can get through the “Grim Hunt” and on to better things for the wallcrawler as fast as possible. Pass.

[Marvel $3.99]

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Chloe is far less erotic and thrilling than you were hoping

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Chloe
  • IMDb: link

“I try to find something to love in everybody. Even if it’s a small thing.”

What makes a good erotic thriller? The simplest method I’ve found is what I call “the giggle test.” If either or both the dramatic and sexually-charged scenes of a movie make you giggle (or groan) it fails the test. An erotic thriller that makes you guffaw uncontrollably may become a cult classic (see Showgirls) but a slight giggle or two means only mild amusement at best (and only at the expense of those on screen). Chloe doesn’t pass the test.

One might expect, given the cast at his disposal and experience in this genre, director Atom Egoyan (Where the Truth Lies, Exotica) fully capable of adapting the French erotic thriller Nathalie… for American audiences. One would be wrong.

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Chloe is far less erotic and thrilling than you were hopingRead More »

Chloe is far less erotic and thrilling than you were hoping Read More »

When in Rome New York

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: When in Rome
  • IMDB: link

The first thing you need to know about When in Rome is it doesn’t take place in Rome (give or take ten minutes).

I wanted to like this film. But nothing, not even the talents of Veronica Mars and Tad Hamilton, could save the film from a flurry of romantic comedy cliches and contrivance we are forced to witness.

Kristen Bell stars as Beth, a workaholic museum curator. Although Beth is the youngest curator of the Guggenheim, her job which pays her enough for the following: a spacious Manhattan apartment, a last-minute flight to Rome, and a closet of designer fashion. Who knew curators got paid so well?

Anywho, Beth travels to Rome to attend the wedding of her more impulsive younger sister and fall for her new brother-in-law’s best man, Nick (Josh Duhamel). They meet cute, have a few misadventures over the course of the evening, and then part due to a misunderstanding (didn’t see that coming!) that only ever occurs in movies like this.

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When in Rome New York Read More »

Jennifer’s got a smokin’ Body but no soul

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Jennifer’s Body
  • IMDB: link

jennifers-body-posterHere’s what I learned from Jennifer’s Body.

1) Academy Award nominated screenwriters are just as good at writing mediocre horror flicks as everyone else.

2) People should really stop giving Æon Flux director Karyn Kusama work.

And 3) Asked to do some real acting, and without Michael Bay’s lascivious ogling lens, Megan Fox (who isn’t allowed to straddle motorcycles in cut-offs here) isn’t nearly the same sexy siren her fans drooled over in the Transformers franchise.

The film isn’t awful, but it wastes what little it brings to the table by serving up a lukewarm TV dinner that fails to satisfy. Jennifer’s Body makes several errors on it’s way to Best Buy’s DVD bargain bin, some of which I’ve summarized below.

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Jennifer’s got a smokin’ Body but no soul Read More »