1.5 Razors

I Am Number Four

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: I Am Number Four
  • IMDB: link

i-am-number-four-posterBased on the young adult novel of the same name by Pittacus Lore I Am Number Four is somewhat bland coming of age tale of a high school aged alien (i.e. college aged actor) on the run from another group of aliens that want him dead. Incredibly silly, and more than a little dumb, the film tries to cover up most of its flaws with a sense of humor and some well executed special effects.

We meet the alien savior John Smith (Alex Pettyfer) and his protector Henri (Timothy Olyphant) on the beaches of Florida before they hastily relocate to the scenic town of Paradise, Ohio, in an attempt to stay ahead of the other aliens.

These evil visitors to our world, known as the Mogadorians, are systematically hunting down nine children from John’s home planet in order of the numbers someone (the film never mentions who) has given them. Once these children are dead the Mogadorians plan to turn their attentions to the helpless earthlings.

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Magneto

/ / Comics

What a waste. Writer/artist Howard Chaykin gives us a glimpse at Magneto‘s first time in costume and what should be electrifying is as bland and forgettable as anything Marvel has put out in the last five years.

Aside from the obvious fact that this story makes no sense whatsoever for anyone who knows X-Men continuity, the idea of Magneto slumming around Brooklyn for a few months, falling in love, and putting on his costume for the first time to fight a Golem formed by the nightmares of the many young mutants (apparently Brooklyn is full of mutants) who live there, is even more ill-conceived than it sounds.

I’m a big fan of the character created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby. In fact, when written well, he’s my favorite X-Men character. Sadly, in terms of talent, Chaykin is a far cry from either of Magneto’s creators. This Magneto is roguish, boorish, and less than a pale shadow of the man who would come to torment the X-Men for years to come. Best forgotten, leave this one on the shelf where it belongs.

[Marvel $2.99]

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Due Date

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Due Date
  • IMDB: link

“Oh God! I’m so stupid.”

The one constant thought that kept running through my head while watching Due Date was how much it reminded me of a film I would much rather be watching – Planes, Trains & Automobiles. It’s almost as if director Todd Phillips and the four screenwriters attributed to the film (really, it took four of you to write this?) set out to make a more intense, edgier, dumber version of the film more closely resembling the adolescent tone of Phillips earlier work – Road Trip.

Now you may think to yourself, as I did, “Gee, that sounds like the dumbest idea ever.” And, no surprise here, you’d be right.

As the film opens Peter Highman (Robert Downey Jr.) is on his way home to his loving wife (Michelle Monaghan) but his course is derailed before he even steps inside the airport by the incredibly obnoxious Ethan Tremblay (Zach Galifianakis). What follows is a predictable Odd Couple mismatched pairing as the two are forced to travel cross country together in order to get Peter home in time for the birth of his first child.

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Shadowland #4 (of 5)

/ / Comics
  • Title: Shadowland #4 (of 5)
  • Comic Vine: link

With this issue Andy Diggle‘s Shadowland moves one merciful step closer to a conclusion. To recap: Matt Murdock has been fully possessed by a “The Beast” of the Hand making him stronger, faster, deadlier, (and forcing the horns on his costume to grow?).

Issue #4 brings The Avengers sneaking into the Hand’s temple with the help of Elektra with the single purpose of taking their former friend down. Things don’t go exactly as planned (even with Wolverine going all stabby-stabby on the man without fear).

Oh, and Daredevil (or the Beast, or whatever you want to call him) has decided to resurrect Bullseye and make him an agent of the Hand. Gee, I wonder who could possibly have forseen that. And the Kingpin begins moving into position to grab power once the dust settles.

Other than the Avengers getting their butts handed to them by DD and the magic ninjas (well, what would you call them?) there’s really not much here. But at least we’re one step closer to finally ending this once promising but poorly executed mini-event. That’s something, right?

[Marvel $3.99]

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Takers lacks Heat

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Takers
  • IMDB: link

I love heist flicks and I’m usually willing to cut them an awful lot of slack. On my DVD shelf alongside of Heist, To Catch a Thief, and Sneakers, I own copies of The Newton Boys, How to Beat the High Co$t of Living and After the Sunset. When a new heist flick comes along I’m willing to give it several chances to prove itself. After seeing Takers I might have to reevaluate that position.

It took four writers to put Takers together, and it shows. The film is a mediocre mess of both shots and storylines best left of the cutting room floor. I’m sure the attempt here was to merge the coolness of the Ocean’s Eleven franchise (without Clooney, Pitt, and Cheadle) with the feel of Michael Mann’s Heat (without DeNiro, Pacino, and Kilmer). Not surprising, it’s a disaster in every sense of the word.

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