Action

Spider-Man 3

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Spider-Man 3
  • IMDb: link

The curse of three.  This is where all comic book movie franchises begin to break down.  Though Spider-Man 3 is much better than third installments of other super-hero movie franchises (Batman Forever, X-Men: The Lamest Stand, Superman III) it struggles mightily with an overambitious plot which contains enough storylines for at least three films. Sure, we get the alien symbiote, the Sandman, Gwen Stacy, a wedding proposal, a new Goblin, and Venom, but we get them all at once and all on top of each other.  The film would have been better served if the creators had been a little more selective and told a more in-depth, concise, and fleshed-out story, rather than rushing through a half-dozen tales all at once.

As the film opens Peter Parker’s (Tobey Maguire) life is golden.  He’s got a good job at the Daily Bugle, Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst) is acting on stage, the city has fallen in love with Spider-Man, and he has decided to ask MJ to marry him.

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The Worst Movie Ever?

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Rating: NO STARS
  • Title: The Condemned
  • IMDB: link

There is a moment, one moment, in the film where a reporter (Angie Miliken) balks at the atrocity of a duel to the death battle royal and blames not only the creators of the show but the worldwide audience for tuning in.  For a split second the film takes a stand against decaying morality and standards, and the ill-effects of violence on our world.  And then it goes back and celebrates the same type of mindless torture it wanted to condemn for another half-hour.  I’ve always said Vince McMahon would strangle babies on stage for quarters if you let him, and here’s the film that proves me right. The Condemned might not be the worst film ever made, but it’s definitely in the conversation.

The set-up, basically stolen from The Running Man (a much better flick in every way possible), involves an unscrupulous television producer (Robert Mammone) who buys up death row inmates from around the world and drops them off on an island to kill each other.  The victor wins freedom, a big cash prize, and a trip off the island.

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Hot Fuzz

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Hot Fuzz
  • IMDb: link

“Well, I wouldn’t argue that is was a no-holes barred, adrenalin-fueled thrill ride. But, there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork.”

Hot Fuzz movie review

Supercop Nicholas Angel (Simon Pegg) is promoted and shipped out of London to the sleepy burg of Sandburg.  The rest of the London force is sick and tired of being shown-up by a one-man force with a 400% higher arrest record who makes the rest of them look bad.

So Angel shows up in Sandford, a town with almost no crime but a large amount of “accidental” deaths.  Partnered with the chief’s son (Nick Frost), who has a love of American action flicks, a tendency to ask really annoying questions (“Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?”), and little actual police knowledge, Angel investigates a few accidental deaths and becomes convinced a serial killer is murdering his way through the small town.

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300

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: 300
  • IMDB: link

300-poster300 is the artistic retelling of the legend of 300 Spartans who stood against the mighty force of the entire Persian army, numbering in the millions, and held their ground at the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 B.C.  Ripped from the pages of Frank Miller‘s graphic novel, the film, as Miller and Lynn Varley‘s original work did before it, celebrates the legend of the events rather than trying to produce a historically accurate account.  And so I’ll judge it on that basis alone.

In terms of capturing the look and feel of Miller’s work the film is a huge success.  In terms of translating the story to screen it struggles at times.  Don’t get me wrong, 300 is quite enjoyable and far better than I feared, but as a longtime fan of Miller’s work it’s not as good as I hoped.  It’s epic, but also cheesy.  It’s brutal, but also timid.  And sadly, it will remind you of better films you would rather be watching.

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Ghost Rider

/ / Movie Reviews
  • Title: Ghost Rider
  • IMDB: link

ghost-rider-posterThe thought that kept going through my mind during Ghost Rider was – huh? The film is a schizophrenic mess which at times appears to be a legitimate Hollywood film and then seconds later makes you think you’re watching some apathetic junior high kid’s film project.

Without a coherent tone, the film flounders through lousy acting, crummy directing, and dreadful writing.  Two of these three failures can be laid at the feet of writer/director Mark Steven Johnson (Daredevil, Simon Birch).  I don’t want to say the writing was awful (too easy), so instead let’s just say Johnson’s writing style makes the dialogue of George Lucas sound like Shakespeare.

And his directorial decisions, from casting to final cut are simply dreadful.  Add to that some of the worst acting by an ensemble since Ed Wood made his last film and you’ve got the making of one huge train wreck.  But hey, at least the guy on the bike looks cool.  That’s something, right?

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