July 2005

ZolarCzakl puts gets his two cents in on Undead

Since the dawn of the modern zombie film in the late 60’s there have been hundreds, if not thousands of cinematic stories told about the undead and those left living who struggle to remain alive. So it’s understandable that to make a zombie movie these days you need to try to put a new spin on the whole idea if you want your movie to get noticed. The Spierig Brothers from Australia have, for the most part, done this in their relatively recent movie Undead (made in 2003 but just now hitting our shores), although the execution of the film leaves a bit to be desired.
The story goes like this: In the small Australian town of Berkeley, meteorites start falling from the sky and immediately turning people into crazed, flesh-hungry zombies. Rene (Felicity Mason), a local beauty queen, holes up in a house owned by a strange farmer named Marion (Mungo McKay), who happens to sell weapons and really knows how to use them. Two cops, a park ranger and his pregnant wife show up as well and the rag-tag group of strangers must band together to survive the zombie onslaught. Things get much stranger from this point on as mysterious hooded figures come into the picture and to tell you any more would be a crime that I’m just not willing to commit.
There seem to be two major species of the zombie film: the serious kind and the funny kind. On the more serious side we have the George Romero movies from Night of the Living Dead all the way up to the recently released Land of the Dead. These movies have sprinklings of humor but for the most part are played in a serious dramatic manner. On the other side we have movies like Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead series and the movie that perhaps personifies this entire sub genre, Peter Jackson’s 1992 gore opus Dead Alive. These films take goofy characters and situations and mix them with stomach-churning gore and horrific suspense to create a unique blend of sickening violence you can laugh at. Even though the trailer for Undead makes it look like a very serious Romero-type zombie movie, it seems that the Spierig’s were trying to make one more in the Jackson camp but couldn’t quite pull it off.
The problem is that the movie can’t decide if it wants to be funny or if it wants to be serious. Scenes that are meant to be funny (but don’t quite make it) are surrounded by long action scenes (that are at times too drawn out) and even longer stretches of drama. If you look back at Peter Jackson’s first (Bad Taste) or the first Evil Dead movie, you can see that those directors had the comic/horror blend down pretty well from the beginning. It’s apparent that the Spierig Brothers don’t have it yet, but certain things in Undead do show promise for these Aussie filmmakers.
When the humor works, it works really well. In some of the action scenes, the crazy farmer Marion suddenly starts pulling some stunts straight out of Hong Kong crime movies and the Matrix series. Guns appear from out of his sleeves into his hands and he does impossible body flips in slow-motion that are very out of character. There are humorous lines found throughout and some of the violence is really funny in that Dead Alive way. There’s also a scene with zombie fish that has to be seen to be believed. If they could have found a way to keep this humor running consistently throughout the movie then it wouldn’t seem so out of place and would be much funnier overall.
As far as the zombie effects go, they are done pretty well. There is a lot of CGI stuff going on, but it didn’t bother me as much as it does in other movies. The blood and guts are effectively disgusting and the zombies were disposed of in much more entertaining and imaginative ways than they were in, say, Land of the Dead (had to get another jab at Land in there). You know a movie is going to be pretty good when you see a fountain of blood shooting very unrealistically out of someone’s neck like in a Monty Python sketch in the first few minutes of the film. Well, at least I do.
The film was a little disappointing but overall pretty entertaining. Not to compare or anything, but I got more genuine zombie thrills from Undead than I did Land of the Dead. It’s impressive for a first film and should provide enough blood and quirkiness for those who crave goofy zombie mayhem.

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“It’s not a tumor” has been replaced with “they’re not boobies”.

The Pacifier(2005): 1.5 Stars

Vin Diesel can be seen in many films and usually he’s very stoic, but in The Pacifier he’s the babysitter. The Pacifier is completely brainless fun for the family. Very similar to Kindergarten Cop, The Pacifier holds bar to Arnold and the senseless humor. Vin plays the stud who can kick butt, swim like a shark, and live off the land with some army rations, but can’t change a diaper. He truly did not have to do any acting, all he had to do is stand there and let the kids react to him. The site says that The Pacifier is “James Bond Meets Mary Poppins”, more like James Bond becomes Mr. Mom. Every worse case G-rated scenario that could happen does, baby vomit, baby poo, teenage girl problems, teenage boy problems, and the little girl with all the questions. Very surprising that the creators left out any drug, alcohol and sex related issues, but that may have turned the film into PG-13.

A Navy Seal, Shane Wolfe (Vin Diesel) finds himself as the babysitter for a family whose father had been assassinated for some secret gadget he had created. Wolfe was prepared to take on any duty he must to set this mishap straight. Finding watching over and taking care of 5 children at one time can be a little more daunting than the most riskiest military covert operation, Wolfe steps up to the occasion and takes on the protection of these children. Keeping house and fighting bad guys can be a little difficult, but the kids finally come to grips with the situation and start to warm up to their new found tough guy Mary Poppins and help out. Each child with their own personality, teen rebel Zoe (Brittany Snow), quiet and secretive 14 year-old Seth (Max Thieriot), 8 year-old inquisitive Lulu (Morgan York) and side notes 3-year old Peter and baby Tyler and with a little assistance from their wacky Romanian Nanny (Carol Kane), sadly Carol did not stay on long enough to keep the entertainment flowing smoothly, the family pulls together and gets the happy ending accomplished. Keeping a family together between evil ninjas, changing diapers, mad crazy wrestling assistant principles and drivers ed, Shane Wolfe pulled off one great feet and Vin Diesel playing his part was quite successful, both looked like a Seal out of water.

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She’s Mad She’s Black and She Kept a Diary

Diary of a Mad Black Woman (2005): 2 Stars

[B]Released on DVD June 28[/B]

Tyler Perry’s, Diary of a Mad Black Woman started from a small play origins and has grown to the big screen. The film hits on and tries to lighten some fairly serious subject matter, spousal abuse and low self-esteem. Perry pulls off multiple characters without flaw; his truly most inspiring part is Madea (short for mother dear), a gun totting, blunt speaking woman of faith who is the matriarch to the family. Overall, the rest of the cast is dull and portrayed a very unrealistic reaction to their character circumstances.

Helen (Kimberly Elise) is a woman who has become accustomed to a very wealthy way of life, but accepts her position as her husband’s, Charles (Steve Harris), second choice and mental and physical beating post. Along the way, Helen keeps a diary, a constant running dialogue about what is happening in her failing marriage and what she wishes would come about to correct it. She arrives home one night, after an awards ceremony for her husband, to find all her stuff loaded in a moving truck and her husband and his new fling taking residence in their home. Charles physically kicks Helen out after not taking the hint and tells her he wants a divorce. Helen has no where to go and no one to count on, but Madea. She shows up at Madea’s front door step trying to play it all off as if nothing has happened, but Madea, being the intelligent quick experienced woman she is figures it out. The next morning chain saw in one hand and handgun in the the other, Madea shows up at the mansion with Helen to split their belongings the proper way.

Helen spends a great deal of the time whining and crying about poor pitiful me and wanting her husband to take her back. Along the way she gets the attention of a hard working, soft spoken man who has the faith of hundreds and only the sweat on his brow to support him, Orlando (Shemar Moore). So wrapped up in her own problems and self-pitying prognosis, Helen doesn’t even take notice, but long enough to start arguments and nasty little fights with Orlando. He tries with all his might to be patient and woo her, trying to build her self-esteem back up and give her a little faith of her own.

Charles double crossed one of his rotten clients and got himself shot and in a wheelchair with no use of his limbs or voice. Helen finds this to be the opportune moment to get even with all Charles has done to her. It took too long for Helen to get mad and even, and what she does is bordering on the lines of pure torture. It gets so bad, she doesn’t feed or bath him and spends all her time verbally abusing him. The audience starts to feel pity for this poor soul and that shouldn’t be the affect that the film was looking for. He deserves to be shot with the way he treated her, but maybe being shot was enough. Helen hits a point where she realizes that she is no longer in love with Charles and has accomplished what she wanted. In An Officer and Gentleman moment, Helen runs out on the factory floor begging for Orlando’s forgiveness and hand in marriage.

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The style and writing of this wonderful show seamlessly blend the screwball comedy and detective movies of the 40’s and 50’s while creating a show that would break all the rules of network television and create something truly unique.

Moonlighting
4 & 1/2 Stars

Memory is a fickle thing.  Going back and watching television shows I enjoyed during my youth can run the gamut of disaster (Knight Rider, Dukes of Hazard) to a renewed appreciation (M.A.S.H.).  So with more than a little pessimism I sat down to spend some time with the first and second seasons of Moonlighting.  I remember enjoying the show as a kid, but a funny thing happened as I started watching.  Not only did I rediscover what I liked as a kid, but I found a new appreciation for the style and writing of this wonderful show that seamlessly blends the screwball comedy and detective movies of the 40’s and 50’s while creating a show that would break all the rules of network television and create something truly unique .  In the words of Agnes DiPesto it’s simply “Great, Great!”

Retired Blue Moon Shampoo model Maddie Hayes (Cybil Shepherd) wakes up one day to find out that her accountant has stolen all her money and fled the country.  With no real options she begins to try and sell off her few business interests which were all bought for tax write-off purposes.  One of these happens to be a small detective agency headed by David Addison (Bruce Willis) with the help of secretary Agnes DiPesto (Allyce Beasley) who always answers the phone in rhyme and a host of faceless assistants who do little more than sit and there desks waiting for David to call for the next limbo contest.  When a man is murdered and the mystery drops right into Maddie’s lap (literally) the show takes off.  David eventually talks Maddie into keeping the agency, solve the mystery, and they become partners trying to make a profitable business out of the now renamed Blue Moon Detective Agency.  The two go on to bumble their way to solving many mysteries, argue and fight continuously, slam doors, wink at the camera, yell, scream, and provide us with hours of entertainment.

Turn your way back machines to the year 1985 Sherman.  After some success on working on Remington Steele, Glen Gordon Caron was asked to create a pilot for a new man/woman partner detective show.  Not a big fan of the genre, but given carte blanche to do whatever he wanted, he created a show that was more comedy than suspense, more about the relationships between men and women than about detective and suspect, and a show that would break many of televisions rules.  To begin with the show was an hour long comedy, an extreme rarity today much less in 1985.  The characters would occasionally talk to the viewers or make comments about this week’s episode or belonging on cable.  In the Christmas episode (the entire episode written as an allegory) the characters actually step off set onto the soundstage to be serenaded by the crew and their friends and family signing Noel, Noel. 

They also pushed the boundaries for what could be done in an hour of television.  The black and white episode was shot on old film stock with the black and white cameras that were tracked down.  Not only that, but each of the two black and white sequences were shot in different styles, paying homage to both the old MGM movies and the “Marloweske” detective films.  The studio being very anxious about showing a black and white episode asked for an explanation at the beginning (thinking people wouldn’t understand why their televisions lost all color twelve minutes in).  So who do they get to do it?  Orson—freakin’—Welles!  Exactly one week before his death.  In many ways the show was well ahead of its time and television creators who have taken chances (a certain vampire slayer bursting into song comes to mind) owe quite a bit to this little niche cult television show that somehow, to the surprise of all involved, became a huge phenomenon and ABC’s #1 show in the late 80’s. 

Other great episodes include two Agnes DiPesto episodes, Next Stop Murder, a different take on Murder on the Orient Express, and North by North DiPesto, which if I have to tell you what it’s spoofing you won’t get the joke.  Great suspenseful plot twist abound in The Lady in the Iron Mask which has a hilarious chase sequence and The Bride of Tupperman where a man offers our detectives $25,000 to find his perfect mate.  What can you say about a series that has one episode that includes a food fight, The Murder’s in the Mail, and another that deals seriously with both sides of the euthanasia debate, Witness For the Execution?

You get your money’s worth (list price $49.98) here for 6 discs packed with 24 episodes and full of extras.  Commentary tracks for five different episodes including the pilot and the black and white episode The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice feature the creator, different writers and directors and both Bruce Willis and Cybil Shepherd do commentary for one episode each.  The commentary is surprising good, especially for Dream Sequence, discussing the Orson Welles cameo and the process of making the black and white episode.  Also included are 3 different documentaries and a collection of old promos that aired for the show.  The menus are easily accessible, and the episodes can be viewed individually or you can select the play all option that will show all the disc’s episodes consecutively (I can’t tell you how much nicer this is than constantly going back to the main menu to play the next episode).  My only real complaint is the housing of the discs.  It’s well made, but usually with this type of container there is a sleeve to slide the single holder into, since there isn’t one provided here the sides tend to push out and allow dust inside relatively easily, with no way to keep the case closed.

Aside from the disappointment for the case, I was extremely pleased with this package.  The documentaries are interesting, the commentaries are informative and entertaining, and the show works as well today as it did 20 years ago when it aired.  I’d recommend this to anyone who remembers the show, or anyone who enjoys screwball slapstick comedy and/or pretty good mystery stories.  Also look for many familiar faces making guest appearances (Tim Robbins, Whoopi Goldberg, Dana Delany, Mark Linn-Baker, Eve Marie Saint, Paul Rudd, and Richard Belzer just being a few).